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Edited by Insane: 7/3/2020 1:44:02 AM
15

Alone.

“Was it me? Did I really do it? No...that wasn’t my fault.” [i] I look up to the sky.[/i] “Why is it rain? I hate being wet...” “You alright there mate?” [i]A man, tall, broad, most likely a hunter.[/i] “I’m fine, just tired. Do I know you?” “No, but your father did. He was a good man. I’m sorry for your loss, especially recently...no man should have to go through what you did.” [i]He seems sympathetic.[/i] “My father? You worked with him then...” [i]I look at him questioningly.[/i] “I did, I knew your father before you were born. He was a dear friend and a great leader...” “Great leader my ass...he could barely take care of us!” [i]I begin to lose my temper.[/i] “If he could’ve spent more time with you he would have! He loved you, and your mother. He may not have shown it all the time, but deep down he cared for you. It wasn’t his fault he was gone all the time. Times have been rough, I wish I could help ease the pain for you...” [i]I don’t reply.[/i] “Come with me boy. I’ll get you some food and we can talk...” [i]He offers.[/i] “Ok...” [i]Is all I can croak out.[/i] [spoiler]Ok guys! This is my first time writing a story here...I’d like all the criticism I can get! (I’m looking at you Aifos...) I’d like to continue writing this and getting better and better. I used to write a lot as a kid, it’d be fun to try again.[/spoiler]

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  • [quote]Times have been rough, I wish I could help you...” [i]I don’t reply.[/i] “Come with me boy. Let me help you, I’ll get you some food and we can talk...” [i]He offers.[/i][/quote] To me, these lines are weird and contradictory. One line ago, mysterious hunter man is saying he can't help, then proceeds to help anyway! Was the first one supposed to be in the past tense? If so, then it should be could've instead of could.

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