JavaScript is required to use Bungie.net

Group Avatar

CentauriAlpha Fan Fiction

"To See With Eyes Unclouded - Hayao Miyazaki"

Request Join
  • Mission Statement

    This group is a place where other writers and I can share out work with people who love to read about Destiny, as well as to get updates on everything I put out. If you join, I promise, you'll get the best fan fiction I can provide in a reasonable amount of time and I will write to the best of my abilities. I also promise to adhere to the lore of the Destiny universe. There is still much to write about, so I hope you'll take this exciting journey with me.

  • Membership

    332 Members
    Total number of users that have joined this group
    9 Years as a Group
    Total number of years this group has been active
  • Admins

  • Tagged

originally posted in:CentauriAlpha Fan Fiction
Edited by Noveltiez: 9/14/2015 4:18:26 PM
2

Exploration-Chapter 1 (Part 1 RAIN)- (a Destiny fan fiction)

Hello guys this is Chapter 1 of my new series Exploration. This is also Part 1 of Exploration it's called RAIN. Please enjoy! And be sure to leave a comment below. :) "I hate going through here"Amelia said. She made her way toward an old factory on her sparrow traveling through Moscow in old Russia "Stop right here!, that's it. Her ghost said." "Oh the one with the pikes in front of it." "Yep" The ghost said happily "You bring me to the worst places, what is this anyway it's huge." "Amelia said looking up from her sparrow at the huge building that has broken windows and severely cracked walls." "It's an old Häkke factory." Her ghost replied. "Oh got it." Amelia said She got off her sparrow and walked up to the rough building. "Where is the damn door ugh...Scan the building for an entrance."Amelia said to her ghost. "Hmm the entrance is sealed off, you'll have to make an entrance." "Fine by me!" Amelia walked to the right side of the wall, it was cracked pretty bad. She set a tripmine on the wall and backed up about 15 yards. She pulled her Scout rifle off her back and took cover behind an old sports car and aimed for the mine. She fired two rounds and ducked behind the car swiftly she then heard the loud explosion... A few seconds later she got up and saw debris had flew everywhere. "Way to make an entrance."Her ghost said "Thanks, shall we go in? Amelia asked sarcastically. "We shall !" Her ghost replied. She walked back up to the wall only to see a large dust cloud and tons of rubble rolling down the hill the factory sat on. "Come on let's go." Amelia said. She walked through the dust cloud and through the hole she had made. "Someone's been keeping it nice." Amelia said looking around at the cleaned polished floor, and the bright lights. "Yes... I'm picking up a lot of Fallen signatures but... Her ghost stopped "Come on spit it out." This can't be right these..these signatures are from the.. House of Rain." The Ghost said "What!, that's not possible scan again." Ok I will,......Same." The Ghost said. "WHAT HOW! Okay this isn't good..we need to be sure about this...let's check it out, transmit me my helmet camera." "Okay but.. They don't have a thermal signature so they're either dead or cloaked." Her ghost said. "Okay." She put her helmet CAM on the right side of her helmet and started recording. She walked forward following her Ghost till about 30 yards until he suddenly stopped. "Do you hear that?" Her ghost asked. "Nope." Amelia replied. "Listen." Her Ghost said. Amelia stood there for a minute she heard metal clanking and clonking and lots of other odd noises, but most of all... She heard Fallen chatter. -------------------------------------- So what did you think? Please leave a comment below on what you thought or any helpful criticism. --------------------------------------

Posting in language:

 

Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

  • It was good I have loved lore and video games and reading, I also like this new fallen house. Keep up good work. I have tried to write but cannot figure out how to write it. Still. Great work!!

    Posting in language:

     

    Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

    1 Reply
    • It's good and the foundation is too. Plot seems solid but needs more development. The crucial thing you lack is character development. Add more information about the protagonist, her origins and drive. Don't be afraid to show a dark side to any allies. Perhaps a few paragraphs of non-dialogue info.Do that, along with a little push by the players, and they'll be anticipating the next entry. I know how hard it is to get noticed on the forums, I've made fan-fictions too.

      Posting in language:

       

      Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

      1 Reply
      You are not allowed to view this content.
      ;
      preload icon
      preload icon
      preload icon