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originally posted in:CentauriAlpha Fan Fiction
Edited by Shattered Mind: 5/10/2015 11:13:28 PM
4

A Treacherous Ally

[i]This is just a creative piece I wrote about a fireteam of Guardians that crash land on the icy surface of Europa. I'm a bit new to the whole fan fiction thing so any tips would be greatly appreciated. Please critique and leave feed back and if you like the story, I will write up some more.[/i] "Heimdall, we are nearing the LZ." Informed Vivian-3, "Do you want me to run field scans on the area?" She asked as she entered the jumpship through the atmosphere. Her silent Ghost, Lilith, hovering next to her, glanced back at the Human. Heimdall approached the Exo, leaning forward in his bulky armor, he studied the HUD projections. "Mmm yeah, go ahead. Better to be safe than sorry." The Titan replied, patting Vivian on the shoulder. He turned to fetch Adam from the cargo bay, but the voidwalker and his little light were already in the cockpit. "Oh, hello Adam, I was just about to send Jax here to tell you that we are almost at our destination." He greeted "Heh, yeah, I was just making some last minute equipment checks, having Marx run some scans." The Awoken warlock said monotonously, "You know, just making sure we were in ship shape." He walked over to a table, and began counting his glimmer with his Ghost. Seconds later, Vivian called to her teammates. "Um guys, the scanners aren't working...and the comms are down as well." She said as she looked back towards Heimdall. "Something's not right. Hmm, it happened as soon as we entered the troposphere, like our signal is being jammed." Glancing at her Ghost, then at Adam, she mocked, "I thought you said we were in ship shape Adam." "Guess not, Jax chimed." Suddenly, the jump ship lurched forward, rocking from an impact and knocking the crew off their feet. "Agh! What the hell was that?!" Heimdall shouted as he fought to climb into his passenger seat. He strapped his harness over his chest and put his helmet over his head, bracing for another impact. "I'm not sure!" Vivian shouted back after adjusting her helmet, "Agh, the main shields are down to 40%, and engines 3 and 5 are gone, we're losing altitude fast. Shit, we can't take another hit like that! What was that thing anyways?" Adam answered Vivian as he buckled up, "It's the Fallen, it has to be. Guys, Marx says they have a outpost nearby, and that they also have a... a what! Fu*k, they have a Walker. Oh, Great." Adam leaned back in his chair. "Vivian, you'll want bring us down into that clearing, as far away from the Fallen as possible," He said, pointing. "It's our best option." "Alright, but it won't be a smooth landing. We're burning fuel, fast" Vivian frantically replied, she clenched her jaw, "This blizzard isn't helping either. Brace yourselves boys, this is going to be rough!" Vivian brought the jumpship through the storm and dipped down. "A hundred, seventy-five, fifty meters and closing!" She lowered the landing skids, but they were immediately torn off from the impact as they crashed into the ground. After burrowing the nose of the ship deep into the snow laden dirt, they came to a screeching halt. The blast doors burst out as Heimdall kicked them down. He stumbled out, followed by the others, "Ugghh... you guys alright?" He slurred. Leaning against the smoking ship, he steadied himself, his Ghost looking over him to make sure he was okay. Vivian-3 was the first to reply, "Ugh. Yeah Heimdall, I'm fine." She quickly ran a systems check. "I've got a few cracked plates and exposed wires, but other than that, Lilith and I are both good. Adam spoke quietly, "I'm alright, a little shaken up." Grunting, he stood up, facing Heimdall. "We need guns, the Fallen shot us down, I'm sure of it. And now, they'll be looking to finish the job." No sooner than the Voidwalker spoke, the garbled roar of a Captain echoed through the valley. Within minutes, hundreds of Fallen warriors gathered on the ridge above the surrounded Guardians, there was no way out. "Uh-Oh. That's not good." Marx squeaked as he looked at the ridge. "Oh crap." Heimdall groaned squinting at the snowy hills, looking for the horde, "I can barely see them. Vivian, grab as much ammo and weapons as you can. Adam, have Marx prep the Sparrows, Jax, assist him. "Right away sir." said Jax as he followed Marx. Seconds later, the both of them zoomed out. "The Sparrows need repairs, badly." Marx informed. "They're not going to be of any use to us." He zoomed past Heimdall, staring out at the Fallen. "Our best option is to run." "I concur." said Jax. Everyone looked towards Heimdall. As fireteam leader, it was his responsibility to make sure everyone got home safe. Running might get them away from the Fallen, but the Guardians would have no way of leaving the frozen moon, but what was their other option. Fighting would only delay their doom. No, there was one option, an inconceivable one, but it had merit. It might be the only chance they have for survival. Vivian broke the long silence. "Heimdall, what are we going to do?" Determined, the Titan replied, "We... are going to negotiate."

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  • Nice job! I liked it. I have two suggestions though, 1) Remember that when someone different from the first speaker starts to talk, there's a new paragraph. 2) Remember to explain who characters are. Such as, who Jax and Marx are. I don't you ever clarify if they are ghosts or guardians.

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