A story for the ages...

TL:DR version I got a shiny new (to me) headset. Now I can raid! November 11, 2014. A day that will forever live in infamy. On that truly horrible day the worst of all possible futures came to pass; a relic entrusted to me by the gods of gaming, a complete sound experience surpassing anyone's wildest dreams, a headset which captured the purest essence of raiding communication, a truly divine gift which has seen me though years, nay, nearly a half-decade of endgame content across multiple systems in multiple states, was destroyed. Nay, I tell you truly, it was [i]annihilated[/i] to absolutely no purpose. There was no reason in its loss. No greater good served. Nothing which could give the act of violence any form of redemption. There was nothing but the desperation of an newborn soul, unknowing and unheeding of the scars that he would inflict though a single moment of absolute need. My son, my spawn, my future and the source of my despair for it, took an icon of my raiding past, put it in his mouth, and [i]drooled.[/i] I can see your faces now. I can see the blinks of faint disbelief colored with flashes of growing horror as it slowly starts to sink in, just what that [i]drool[/i] is, and what it can do. Yes, that's right. The [i]drool[/i] of a toddler is one of the most caustic and corrosive substances in the history of history. There is no liquid as vicious and mindlessly violent as a child's [i]drool[/i]. Only this most malicious of substances is able to penetrate the aura of victory which surrounded my glorious headset. Only this most insidious of liquids is able, with only a few drops, to take a historical remnant of my gaming glory and reduce it, in seconds, to a headband of static. If that wanton destruction is not enough, he then, with all 4 of his new grown teeth, [i]chomped though the cord[/i]. Truly, my son is a newborn Maoh. The risen Demon King voiced his triumph to the disbelieving skies as I knelt, holding the ashes of my past, trying to choke down a river of tears. The wife, my partner and my tormenter, then informed me that Christmas is coming, and now she has the perfect gift. I was banned, [i]forbidden[/i] from searching for a new one. I would get my new headset on Christmas day, and until then, I must suffer. Woe was me my brothers. Woe! But then, a miracle occurred. The heavens opened, the sky cleared, and the burden of my sorrow was lifted from me. From nowhere, a friend of a friend announced that he had purchased a new headset. As a consequence of this most mundane of actions which I will still bared from, upon pain of marital displeasure, he had a headset to sell. Rejoice my brothers! Rejoice! For that day I actually had cash in my wallet (another minor miracle) and my lunch money was sufficient to convince this near-stranger to part with his old hardware. I raised my new found delight to the sky as Victory Fanfare played and could not take it anymore. I broke down and wept. Yes, a grown man wept in the presence of a stranger as the weight of my sorrow faded away like the morning mist. I had to try it out! I had to test this gift! I had to [i]know[/i], as soon as humanly possible, if this unlikely occurrence was in fact a blessing, or just another way for the universe to voice its displeasure with me. I will not tell you what I did, to get home so fast. I only say that land speed records [i]might[/i] have been broken, but then again they might not. Even one such as I need to keep a few secrets. I opened the door, and booted up my console.... and all the while my heart was beating a staccato drumroll of ever increasing tempo. Bullets were sweated. Tears were shed. Frustration mounted as the headset failed, time and time again, to connect. I could not take it anymore. I plugged in the headset to charge, and it was all I could do to not break down again and weep. Hours slowly trickled by. I tried to concentrate on preparing dinner, but alas, I could not. I just had to know. Setting aside my cooking implements, I once again attempted to connect the Bluetooth headset. Disbelief gave over to shock which faded into outright joy. It worked! IT WORKED! My beloved headset was gone. But in its place a new one has risen. I will see you in game my brothers, and finally, [i]finally[/i] you shall hear my voice. On to the Vault of Glass. Forward to Crota's End. I shall be beside you, and we shall triumph!