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originally posted in:Destiny Fiction Producers
Edited by Grays_KS27: 2/20/2019 8:34:44 PM
6

Blank Slate Ch.13: The Collective

Table of Contents https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/225386550/0/0 "I figured you'd want to go there again," Salem shrugged as we walked down the steps leading to the Vanguard Hall, "You haven't been back since I found you." "And that was over fifty years ago, Keis," Blanc added, hovering by my head. "And Twilight Gap was only a few months ago," Salem's Ghost said, "The Vanguard insists that scouts don't go alone, especially since that city is near a Winter hotspot." "I'll go," I answered, remembering the place of my revival. "Good," Salem nodded as we came into the wide hall. There was now one desk on each side of the hall. On the left, an orange and white frame with horns and a fur collar sat at a computer. On the right stood a massive, clearly muscular, male Guardian with bulky white and orange armor, sporting horns and fur as well. He was obviously a Titan. The desk next to him and wall behind him were now decorated with skulls and other objects. The Titan was the largest Guardian I had ever seen, and he was clearly bigger than me. The only other Guardian I'd ever seen that was taller than me was another Titan, and it had barely been noticeable. "That's Lord Shaxx," Salem's Ghost explained, "He just started overseeing the Crucible." "It's where Guardians fight each other for training," Blanc elaborated before I could ask. We walked past the towering Guardian and to the Vanguard Hall. I could see that someone I didn't recognize was standing where the Titan Vanguard normally stood. He was a Titan, wearing bulky white and red armor. He was an Awoken, with intense blue eyes that matched his lightly glowing blue skin. Salem stopped me at the entrance with a raised hand, and said, "You're not officially doing the mission, so you can wait here." He put his hand down and approached the Titan. They spoke for a moment, then Salem returned. "We're good to go," he sighed, "But we have an extra stop to make. A Guardian who scouted a nearby city died in Twilight Gap. They haven't replaced him, yet, so we're gonna take a look. There's Vex activity, but we just need to make sure nothing new is happening." I nodded. "Who's the Awoken?" Blanc inquired. "He's the new Titan Vanguard," Salem's Ghost replied, "He's Commander Zavala." "What happened to the last one?" I questioned. "Don't know," Salem sighed, "Let's go." • • • Keis and Salem stood on the same building where Salem had watched Keis walk over the edge. As a precaution, I had asked Salem to be ready to grab him. "Blanc," Salem addressed me. "Yes?" I replied. "See anything that's changed?" He inquired. I took a moment to hover higher and slowly spin, observing the decimated city, then floated back down. "No," I answered. "Thought so," he mumbled, "Well, you ready to go, KS?" Keis was gazing out towards the acid sea, and didn't answer. He had always seemed fascinated with that sea, staring at it constantly before Salem found us. When I asked, he had told me he didn't know why. "Keis," I called. He looked to me and said, "I'm ready." • • • Salem and I rode our Sparrows through the abandoned city. Sparrows were small, fast thrust bikes that hovered over the ground. They could be transmatted easily and stored in the Inventory, so they were very popular among Guardians. Salem's was red, a little bulky, and had two orange wing-like projections sticking forward out of the front. Mine was called the S-35 Aeon Glow. It was small, sleek, white, had two thin black stabilizers jutting out of the front, and was lined with white lights. We were riding them because flying our ships over the city would alert the Vex of our presence, or the Fallen, if they were around. This place, along with the city I was revived in, were on the outskirts of an area of Venus called the Ishtar Sink. The Ishtar Collective, usually just called the Collective, was a group of Golden Age academies and scientific facilities inside the Ishtar Sink. The entire area was controlled by Vex. The House of Winter scavenged and explored the area, trying to dig up the Collective's secrets, and the Vex constantly pressured them. Winter hadn't been sighted here, but that could change at any time. The Vex occupied some areas, so we had to be careful. The only thing we were looking for was signs of Winter or increased Vex activity, and everything seemed normal so far. [i]I really need to stop with these random explanations,[/i] I thought in frustration, [i]No one is in my hea-[/i] My thoughts were interrupted as we sped around the corner of a building. A group of Vex was crossing in front of us, too close to evade. My Sparrow rammed into a Minotaur, causing it to stumble back. I used the momentum to fling myself over the Minotaur's head as the stabilizers of my Sparrow crumbled against the large and dense Vex. I landed on my feet as In Times of Need materialized in my hands. Salem's Sparrow rushed past me, plowing through a Goblin, before he leaped off. He landed with a roll, then began shooting the other Goblins with his scout rifle. I approached the Minotaur and pelted its back with a couple shells from my shotgun, then it turned and tried smashing me into the ground with a powerful arm. I stepped to the side, dodging the strike, then hit it in the side of its dome-shaped head with a Palm. It was knocked off of its feet from the impact, and landed on its side with a massive thunk. I used the Light to form a grenade in my hand, then tossed it onto the downed behemoth. A vortex of Void energy sprung to life on it, slowly tearing it apart and feeding me energy. I turned to Salem, who was putting a bullet in the stomach of the last of the Vex, shattering the container for its white radiolarian fluid. Suddenly, I smelt ozone. The air twanged next to my head, and I ducked. An orange energy bolt missed my head and nailed a rock on the ground, leaving a scorch mark. I looked for the source of the blast and saw a Hobgoblin standing a block away, looking at me as the sensory devices on its horns shifted. An orange glow began to build around the barrel of its rifle, and I was overcome with a strong sense of déjà vu. I felt as if I'd seen this same thing happen before, but didn't remember such a thing happening. There was a soft bang, and the Hobgoblin's fluid container exploded. The Vex's lifeless chassis collapsed as I looked to Salem. He lowered his scout rifle and muttered, "You space out at the oddest times..." "I think we've explored enough," his Ghost's voice crackled over the comms."

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  • Edited by AggressiveBacon: 7/4/2018 6:32:32 AM
    In Keis's internal musings (last section), it says "[i]I really need to stop with these random explanations[/i], I thought frustratedly." Not that it is an error, but I would humbly suggest that you consider replacing "frustratedly" with "in frustration" or something of the sort. Frustratedly [i]is[/i] indeed a word, it just didn't seem to flow exceptionally well as I read it. Aside from that, I can't recall any worthwhile critiques. Nice chapter. Also, I noticed that you've announced a reboot of this particular story. Assuming (as I do) that this is to entail rewriting it entirely, would you prefer that I read one of your other stories in place of this one until such a time as the reboot is finished (or at least sufficiently underway)?

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    • Bump

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    • Bump. I heard you might be interested in doing a crossover. I can't do that, since my stories take place after Twilight Gap, but there IS a guy named Sullys that is also in the DFP, who's story takes place before Twilight Gap.

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      • Binged up to this point. Very good so far. The aftermath of Twilight Gap was particularly touching. Do we end up finding out more about Keis' past? Bumps to all.

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        • [quote]An orange beam missed my head and nailed a rock on the ground, leaving a scotch mark.[/quote] "Scotch" instead of "scorch". Thought you'd want to know that you were writing about a high pressured shot from an alcoholic beverage Bump

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          • Shameless self bump

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