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originally posted in:Destiny Fiction Producers
Edited by Little Light 3:
1/20/2017 12:09:42 AM
7
Into the Chamber
I float in and out consciousness, fighting the cold feeling creeping into my skull-
[i]"Arc servitor in the middle!" Kera-8 calls out. I jump over, and blow it up with the shock cannon-[/i]
I'm in a dark chamber, it feels like I am alone but I'm not-
[i]"Shoot 'em up!" Derec calls. We fire in unison at the demon, but he doesn't even flinch-[/i]
I hear scuttling sounds in the background, there's red everywhere, I can't see where the noise comes from-
[i]"It's not working! Our bullets aren't putting a dent in him!" I yell.
"It's fine, just keep shooting!" Our leader, Ari-5, calls out. Rex, Callie, and Derec's heads nod in agreement-[/i]
A shadowy figure walks towards me, he is huge, and a red haze follows him-
[i]A fleshy red tendril comes out of nowhere and impales Kera-8, sending her flying off over the platform. I've lost track of Rex, he's disappeared-[/i]
The scuttling sound gets closer, I can now make out that the figure has eight legs-
[i]Derec's gun suddenly backfires, he and his ghost get blown to bits. "This red fog is getting thicker!" I yell, but no one hears-[/i]
The spider-creature growls something inhumane, my mind is getting foggy~[i]consume-[/i]
[i]The spider-thing launches a swarm of red maw, Ari's consumed-[/i]
The creature comes nearer, I welcome him[i]~enhance~[/i]
[i]Callie's head gets ripped off by the tendrils. "Tower, this is Carson from raid team Fringe"-[/i]
It picks me up, as if to study me, I'm giddy with excitement[i]~replicate~[/i]
[i]"The Perfection Complex is extremely dangerous-" I blow out a red tendril with my shotgun. "And should not be messed with. My team was murdered, our own weapons turned against us-" I throw my shotgun over the edge as it tried to shoot me. "Derec, Callie, Kera-8, Ari-5, and Rex. Remember them. These are my final words-"-[/i]
As I meet my new purpose, [i]~consume enhance replicate~[/i] a voice comes from a helmet on the floor. "If I contact you again, it is not myself." [i]~consume enhance replicate~[/i]
Just a little short story. Please tell me what you think!
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1 ReplyThis is WotM correct? If it is then the Replication Chamber isn't there. In WotM it's the [b][u]PERFECTION COMPLEX[/u][/b]
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Edited by Shroud of Opulence: 1/19/2017 4:03:40 PM[quote]I float in and out consciousness, fighting the cold feeling creeping into my skull- [i]"Arc servitor in the middle!" Kera-8 calls out. I jump over, and blow it up with the shock cannon-[/i] I'm in a dark chamber, it feels like I am alone but I'm not- [i]"Shoot 'em up!" Derec calls. We fire in unison at the demon, but he doesn't even flinch-[/i] I hear scuttling sounds in the background, there's red everywhere, I can't see where the noise comes from- [i]"It's not working! Our bullets aren't putting a dent in him!" I yell. "It's fine, just keep shooting!" Our leader, Ari-5, calls out. Rex, Callie, and Derec's heads nod in agreement-[/i] A shadowy figure walks towards me, he is huge, and a red haze follows him- [i]A tendril of flesh comes out of nowhere and impales Kera-8, sending her flying off over the platform. I've lost track of Rex, he's disappeared-[/i] The scuttling sound gets closer, I can now make out that the figure has eight legs- [i]Derec's gun suddenly backfires, he and his ghost get blown to bits. "This red fog is getting thicker!" I yell, but no one hears-[/i] The spider-creature growls something inhumane, my mind is getting foggy~[i]consume-[/i] [i]The spider-beast launches a swarm of red maw, Ari's consumed-[/i] The creature comes nearer, I welcome him[i]~enhance~[/i] [i]Callie's head gets ripped off by the tendrils. "Tower, this is Carson from raid team Fringe-[/i] It picks me up, as if to study me, I'm giddy with excitement[i]~replicate~[/i] [i]"The replication chamber is extremely dangerous-" I blow out a red tendril with my shotgun. "And should not be messed with. My team were murdered, our own weapons turned against us-" I throw my shotgun over the edge as it tried to shoot me. "Derec, Callie, Kera-8, Ari-5, and Rex. Remember them. These are my final words-"-[/i] As I meet my new purpose, [i]~consume enhance replicate~[/i] a voice comes from a helmet on the floor. "If I contact you again, it is not myself." [i]~consume enhance replicate~[/i] Just a little short story. Please tell me what you think![/quote] Made some adjustments but I just thought made it sound a little better
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Very good like very good but I would change a little things like maybe a bit of the wording with describing siva but other than that it's flawless but that just my opinion
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Very nice! :)
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This was good! Really liked it.
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1 ReplyThat was an awesome read
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1 ReplyIt's pretty good, I can't really judge since my writing skill can be rivaled by Stephanie Meyer though
