To Beard or not to Beard: A Minotaur Short Story

Inspired by a forum conversation earlier today. Enjoy the silliness ----- The Guardian leaned against the slightly damp wall on Venus. Everything on Venus was always slightly damp and at least he didn’t feel it through his armor. “You know. I think I need a change.” “We’ll move on to the Citadel as soon as…” “Not what I was talking about.” The Guardian interrupted. “I need a new look, a new…” He shrugged. “Something.” The ghost turned from its examination of what might have been an old golden age fuse box on the wall. “You want to visit Eva next time we’re in the Tower? We could see if she has any new shaders.” The Guardian shook his head, folding his arms across his chest. “I don’t think that’ll be enough. I need a [i]change[/i].” The ghost bobbed silently for a minute. “I think you should just tell me what you’re getting at, because I’m starting to become concerned.” “I want a beard.” “Ah, Guardian?” “A full, dignified beard.” The Guardian continued, fingering the chin of his helmet. “I think it will add a certain…distinction.” “But…” “Ghosts can give Guardians beards, right?” The Guardian asked. “Well, yes. It’s merely a matter of agitating the follicle of the intended area until the desired length is achieved.” The ghost answered cautiously. “It doesn’t always work, though. For example…” “So you can.” The Guardian straightened and put his hands on his hips. “I want a beard.” “I really don’t think…” “Are you saying you can’t do it?” The Guardian asked, a note of challenge in his voice. The Ghost looked scandalized. “Of course I can! I mean…” He looked at his Guardian, who leaned forward, his whole body telegraphing excitement. The ghost twisted slowly. “I mean, it will take some time….and uh, concentration….so…next time we’re in the Tower…I’ll see what I can do.” The Guardian pumped his fists in the air and gave a triumphant yell. Almost immediately the two heard the answering call of a Fallen Vandal, followed by the electronic chirp of a Vex unit. The Guardian unshipped his rifle. “Don’t forget.” He told his ghost before he jumped out into the fray. The Ghost sighed, “That’s not likely,” and dematerialized. … The Guardian stroked his beard as he crossed the Tower plaza, eyes shining with pride. The other Guardians in the Tower stared, no doubt impressed by his sheer magnificence. He approached his fire team and they couldn’t take their eyes off him. “You see? They’re so impressed they aren’t even blinking.” “Please, pretend you don’t know me.” His ghost whispered. “I don’t understand why you’re…” “Herro?” Knight’s voice sounded strained. “What’s that on your face?” Alia, half hidden behind Knight’s shoulder, had her cowl pulled over her face, no doubt stunned into silence by how awesome he was. “Glorious, isn’t it?” He asked, posing. Knight’s eyes flicked to the Ghost half-hidden behind Herro’s shoulder. “Ghosty?” He asked. “Don’t look at me.” The ghost moaned. “He insisted.” Knight flicked his red optics to Alia. She met his gaze, her own silver eyes wide and shining before she flicked her eyes away and pulled a fold of her hood to cover them again. “I am…” Knight searched for words until the silence was nearly uncomfortable. “Impressed.” He finished, voice strained with what must have been suppressed envy. Alia made a noise and a muffled word that sounded suspiciously like, “Hooks!” squeaked out from the covering shadows of her cowl. Knight cleared his throat, not even seeming to notice Alia’s weight as she rested her forehead against the back of his shoulder, her own shoulders shaking. “I’m so sorry.” Ghosty moaned again. It took a few false starts before Knight could continue. “I’ve…never seen such a magnificent…beard on an EXO before…” He chortled, which set Alia off. “You’re just jealous.” Herro told him. “Glued…” Alia gasped. “The two of you just don’t appreciate the glory of me.” Herro huffed, smoothing his beard before he turned on his heel and stalked off, ignoring the eruption of laughter behind him.