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Edited by The-Gaurdian21: 1/27/2015 4:20:18 AM
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House of Light: Chapter One

Good writing, Wheres Chapter two?

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Decent stuff, Could use some work.

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Oh dear god why are you posting this crap!?

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This is my first Destiny FanFiction. Feedback would be great. I got the idea for this story while reading the grimoire cars. A couple stories stood out to me. Sadly The forum restricts how much I can put in. The story It's self was meant to be a five chapter long story. Though most likely There will be 8-12 Parts. House of Light: Chapter One; The Vangaurd Assignment Location: Tower, Last City, Earth A small fireteam of veteran guardians had just returned from eliminating a vex enemy in the Black Garden. The group had been together since they first got to the tower. It had been several years of gruesome strikes and raids, the raid on Crota nearly broke them. Still they returned together to fight again. They had just returned to the tower and laid back on the grass to breath in clean air and let there muscles rest. Jarrod and Borrel pulled out their rifles and began to scrub away the blood. The sun was setting on the tower, casting great shadows across the plaza. Evora stood and looked at her two companions. Both were occupied with their weapons. "Jarrod, Borrel, I'm going to go wash off and get some food. Meet you two in the mess hall? Jarrod didnt answer, he was to concerned with a vex piece jammed in his rifle. "Yeah, of course. See you there." Borrel usually talked for both of them. Jarrod never talked much, He had one of the darker paths a guardian can have. Titans were also known to be quiet. Both Evora and Borrel got used to this a long time ago. Evora stepped into the last bits of sunlight and felt the warmth against her cold and tired cheeks. After standing for a moment she walked away, headed towards the north side of the tower. Borrel sat back against the twisting tree and took a deep breath in, finally getting a chance to rest. He drove his knife into the wood and rested his arm against it. Borrel always enjoyed missions, he did a few alone but working with Evora and Jarrod was always plesent. He glanced over at Jarrod before settling back against the tree. Jarrod still worked away at his rifle, starting to dismantle it, "Jarrod, How long is that going to take? We need to meet Evora in a few minutes." "Not long." "That was helpful, Just hurry it up I'm hungry." Evora was passing through the hallway towards the Tower North when she stopped where she was. Someone grabbed her arm and pulled her into the shadows near some boxes. Startled Evora reached up to grab them but stopped half way. It was Ikora. Evora thought to herself "What is she doing?" Ikora spoke sofly "Evora, Where are Jarrod and Borrel?" "They are still in the plaza, why?" Evora was quite cofused Ikora spoke normally now "There is something I wanted to ask of you. Cayde-6 and I have gotten reports from Venus, There seems to be a large cave system deep in vex territory. There also appears to be a unknown Fallen house marching against them. We don't know whats happening, but it cannot be good. We know you just got back from a raid, but we would like you, Jarrod, and Borrel to leave in the morning, We need to know what is happening inside. If you accept we will brief you in the morning prior to departure. Are you in?" Evora pondered this for a minute "I'm in, I'll talk to the guys tonight, I'm sure they will be up for it." "Thank you Evora, This could be nothing, or it could be huge." Ikora walked away briskly leaving Evora standing there will more questions. Tomorrow she would get answers. "Jarrod, Do you ever get tired of this?" "What now borrel?" "Well, Do you ever get tired of fighting everyday, The missions use to be easy, do a couple patrols, fight off some space tutles, But now we are fighting kings and gods of our enemies. It seems like we just keep getting harder and harder tasks. Does it ever get to you?" "Not really, Things get harder and harder, We get tougher and Tougher." "I know, I know. But wouldn't it be nice to just rest for a little, spend some time in the city. I wish we could take The pacific islands back, that would be the perfect place to relax and unwind, don't you think?" "Yeah, sounds nice." "Well maybe we should bring it up to Evora. About taking a week off and relaxing." "Agreed." "Hey, It's Ikora, I wonder what shes doing out?" Borrel had spotted Ikora walking down the steps back into the Vangaurd command. She was not known for wondering about the tower. All the Vangaurd mentors kept to their hall. Borrel stood and waited for Jarrord to put the last pieces of his rifle together. Afte the last piece clicked into place Jarrod stood up and threw the rifle on his back. Jarrod and Borrel Made there way towards the mess hall to meet Evora. Borrel hummed whimsically as he thought about a well deserved vacation. They walked into the mess and spotted Evora at the usual table. They always sat towards the end, next to a large corner window. The all like looked out into the wilderness. As they got closer Borrel noticed that Evora was tapping her fingers on the table and was quickly eating her food. "Evora, whats up with you, Something happen in the twenty minutes you were gone?" Borrel sat down as Jerrod went for food. "Borrel, something odd happened, Ikora came to talk to me." "Evora, that's not weird, you are a warlock, why would it be weird for her to talk to you?" "I'm serious, somethings up. This seems like a big deal." Jerrod sat down and handed Borrel his plate. "Thank you Jerrod. Now Evora, What do you mean?" "She has a mission for us, from her and Cayde-6. Theres something happening in the Endless steps. Large amounts of Vex and an unknown fallen house is attacking it. She didn't say much, but it doesn't sound good. She wants to know if we are in." Borrel sighed in dissapointment "Yeah, of course we are in. But when we get back we are taking a week off." "What? What does have to do with anything?" "Nothing, we will talk about it when we get back." Jerrod spoke up "So what's the plan?" Borrel started eating his food while he waited for Evora to respond. She looked like she was trying to find the right way to say soemthing. Borrel knew that was not a good sign. Evora grinned and spoke in an almost pleading manner "Well, Briefing in the morning and then we depart." "Alright" Jerrod then went back to eating without showing much emotions towards the mission. "....Fine, The sooner we start the sooner it's over with." Chapter two http://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/94594738/0/0

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  • Nice start! I picked up some unfortunate foreshadowing. If the fate of these guardians don't turn out how I think they would, then you've done a greater job. Can't wait to read more.

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