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A Frenchman, an American and a Mexican are flying around the world. Suddenly the Frenchman gets up and sticks his arm out the window and says "aw... We are flying over France and are passing over Paris right now." The others ask how can you tell? He then says, " I just touched the top of the Eiffel Tower." A while longer and the American gets up and sticks his arm out the window. He then says "aw... We are flying over the states right now and are passing over New York." How can you tell the others ask? "I touched the top of the Empire State Building" Some more time passes and the Mexican gets up and puts his arm out the window and says "aw...we are flying over Mexico and are passing over Mexico City" The others ask how he can tell. And he says, "I don't have a watch any more". :D

So then the duck said, "Got any grapes?"

LONG JOKE INCOMING! There was an Englishman, and Irishman, and a Maori man. One day, they decided to have a competition to shoot the biggest deer. One day the Englishman goes out and shoots a HUGE deer. So the Maori man and the Irishman ask "How'd you get that deer?" The Englishman chuckles. "Why, I found the track, followed the track, and BOOM, shot the deer. The Irishman, not wanting to be bested by the filthy English, decided to get a bigger deer. He comes back with an even bigger deer. The Englishman and the Maori man is amazed. "How'd you get that beauty?" They both asked. The Irishman chuckles. "Why, I found the track, followed the track and BOOM shot the -blam!-!" The Maori man didn't want to be left out, so he goes for a hunt for an even bigger deer. He doesn't come back for hours, and the Englishman and the Irishman start getting worried. It was getting dark, and the Maori man was never late for tea. The Maori man comes back, cuts and bruises all over him, and his clothes torn. The Englishman is dumbfounded. "What happened here?" The Maori man was furious. "I found the -blam!-ing track, I followed the -blam!-ing track, and BOOM! got hit by a -blam!-ing train!" Tl;dr the Maori man was the dumbarse.

Women's Rights

[spoiler]It started out as a joke. My friends had joked about it - even egged each other on to try it. We all laughed at the concept. -blam!-ing a bowl of cheerios? The mere idea sent shivers down my spine. The initial roughness in texture. The cold milk shrinking my erect penis. "What joy could there be in that?" I thought to myself. After a few weeks nobody brought it up anymore. We'd moved on to different jokes and catch phrases as most groups do. They weren't as funny, but they definitely weren't as weird. We did the usual things and Friday was drinking day. By 2:00 am all four of us were plastered. Jake let out a long sigh after pounding another shot of SoCo and Kevin was loudly snoring on the couch. After a twenty minutes or so it was just Steve and I alone left finishing off our remaining beers. "Dude hold on," Steve smiled. "What's up man?" I said in my drunken stupor. Steve sloshed his way over to his refridgerator and removed a gleaming white bowl from the fridge. I instantly knew what it was. "What the shit -blam!- is that Steve?" I asked "-blam!-in Cheerios man. You should -blam!- them!" He seemed excited. "Dude it was just a joke. Don't tell me you..." I was cut off. "Naw dude I didn't -blam!- no cheerios. But I will bet you $50 you won't do it." I had my excuse. "Fine -blam!-er I'll do it." I was becoming erect already. "How will I know you did it, huh?" I froze up. My erection started to die. "Is this some elaborate ploy for you to see my -blam!-ing dick, bro?" I shouted, nearly waking our sleeping companions. "Nah dude I just don't want any -blam!-ing cheating, man. I got $50 on this shit." "Fine, I'll do it with my back to you and just stick my dick out through my fly." I was erect again. We both went silent. I carefully walked to the corner of the room and looked down upon the soggy mash of Cheerios awaiting my erect cock. They were Honey Nut. Without waiting I plunged my eager tool deep into the bowl. The milk washed upon my swollen testicles as they dipped into the soft contents of the bowl. I thrusted gently and realized how the cheerios seemed to react to the shape of my member. The bowl was deeper than I expected. I heard crys of laughter coming from Steve but I kept going. I wave of white anticipation struck me as my penis grew stiffer and my balls rumbled with an all to familiar feeling. I came. I came into that honey nut flavored bowl of beaten cheerios. My semen mixed flawlessy into the color of the bowl. My knees went weak. My breathing hastened. "I -blam!-ing love cheerios," I said with a smile. Three days had past since my first cheerio-man encounter. I had since then started experimenting with different things. I tried chocolate milk, but it the whole experience just felt... interracial. I tried adding sugar as well but the clean up became a hassle. Finally I settled on bananas. They were the missing part of the equation. The cheerio inspired orgasms had doubled in strength, but my roommates were growing suspicious. I had never ate cheerios in the two years we'd lived together and now I was going through a box per day. And nobody had ever seen me eat a bowl. I knew I had to be careful. I called Steve to to joke about it a few days after it had happened and he didn't remember. I lost $50 but gained an experience that can only be equated with touching God. It was a fair trade. With Steve out of the way I felt a little more relaxed. "But not as relaxed as I could be," I whispered quietly to myself. A grin formed on my face as I slowly exited my room and made my way down the stairs. Only my roommate Lynn was home. She was gorgeous, but I had no time for girls. I had cheerios. I carefully poured the bowl of cheerios into the deepest bowl I could find. I delicately sliced one whole banana and placed it meticulously around the bowl. "This is going to be a great night," I thought. I snuck outside to let the cheerios moisten, my penis throbbing in anticipation. My mouth moist as if the cheerios had some Pavlovian effect on me. I snuck inside quickly and plunged my cock straight into their cool, soft innards. I thrust my head back in pleasure as the banana slices gently caressed the sides of my swollen prick. It had been only a few minutes, but showers of cum sprang from my penis mixing into the milky broth. A quiet whisper escaped my lips. I began to cleanup and headed to the sink to was h the dish when I heard it. "What are you doing?" My roommate Lynn stood there barely awake. "I uh just having a bowl of cheerios," I smiled. "I'm -blam!-ing hungry and you keep eating them. Now I'm craving em. Hand em over." I was erect again. She eagerly filled her mouth with my magic potion of cheerios, banana's, and semen infused milk. "God this is good. No wonder you like it so much," She said as little streams of milk poured down her chin. "Heh, you're getting it all over yourself," I said. "Oh, I'll get it," She licked her chops in a way that made gave my rod a new precum finish. "This is so much better than usual - what did you add?" "Se-se-se-seenamon," I sputtered. "It doesn't taste like cinnamon, but it does taste really familiar," I always knew she was a slut. She looked as if she winked at me, but I played it off as if my eyes were playing tricks on me. She sloppily finished off the bowl and hopped up on counter. She put the bowl in the sink and placed her hands next to her. "I always knew you were a Cheerio -blam!-er," This time she definately winked at me.[/spoiler]

Why did Sarah fall out of the tree?[spoiler]She has no arms[/spoiler] Knock knock. Who's there?[spoiler]Not sarah[/spoiler]

WNBA

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Oh, you support gay rights? You must be gay! me: Yeah, I also support animal rights. Do I look like a freaking alpaca to you?

Warlocks are good;)

Johnny took some Molly one Friday night with some friends. Johnny tried to push walls, jump over the hoods of cars, tried to get a number off any good looking girl at the bar. Johnny was successful at everything he did that night, so it dawned on Johnny, "I should pop Molly all the time!" Once Monday morning rolls around Johnny is in his physics class, hopped up on Molly. The teacher is talking about momentum and the science behind it, she asks if any of the students want to demonstrate an example of momentum. Johnny gladly arises and says "I will push this wall and the momentum will carry it further than it is now." Later that day Johnny had auto class. The students were fixing up a hummer and Johnny thought it would impress his friends to jump over it. Nearing the end of the day Johnny was still feeling the effects of the drug, and while in the bus line, asked all the pretty girls for their numbers. On the bus home Johnny was coming down off the Molly and started feeling depressed. Other than the physical discomfort, the emotional depression had Johnny feeling awful that he couldn't do any of the things he did on Friday on Monday at school. [spoiler]drugs are a joke[/spoiler] [spoiler]stay alive[/spoiler] [spoiler]read books[/spoiler]

On Valentine's night, a man goes to his local convenience store to buy his supper. He buys a microwave meal for 1, a small bottle of red wine and a small cake. He approaches the checkout to pay and the female cashier smiles at him, " Are you single then? " "yes, you probably guessed because I brought a meal for 1, small bottle of wine and a small cake for myself." To which the female cashier replies; "No, cos you fcuking ugly."