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Surf a Flood of random discussion.
12/1/2014 4:39:53 AM
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confession thread

I saw one and then couldn't find it again, so here's one. Spill the beans flood, tell us My story: [spoiler]Ever since I was little I've been different, but as I grew older, I learned just how screwed up I am. I had overbearing parents, especially my father, telling me what to do and how to do it. This caused me to feel like I have no power over anything and gave me an analytical personality. The older I got, the more analytical I became and the more oppressed I felt. That is why I don't understand people who use substances or have sex, it makes no sense to me as the cons outweigh the pros. So now I look down at people as if they were inferior based on their choices and lust for power to try and fill up what I lacked as a child. Also as a child I was told my parents loved me, but my father often hit me which made me ask why he would say he loved me if he did such things to me. I began to question why people said and did the things they do, to find a hidden motive, now I trust no one and am overly paranoid. The good person inside me still lives, but is shrouded by this paranoid power hungry husk. I often feel empathy for those who make poor decisions, but then get upset with them because they don't understand what I do, and then I get mad at myself for not being able to help them at all as I have terrible social skills and usually can't physically stop them from doing whatever they're doing and so I imagine a place where I could do something. For the past 5 years I have dreamt of a world where people understood me, where I had power for once, where it had control. That is why I fascinate myself with militaries, because military strength is power and power is what I lust for. That is why I take fancies to fascism, communism, and autocracy, because people would have to do what I say, when I say it. They have to follow me without question, because if they don't, I could kill them with the snap of my fingers. I think my dreams are just because I would tell the people what is best for them and there would be no sorrow because I'd stop them from making poor choices. I would be their sole moral compass and anyone who objects would be executed. So that's what I am, a schizophrenic sociopath. I know I am deeply disturbed and need help, I am sane enough to know this, but I am not sane enough to get that help.[/spoiler]

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  • [spoiler]*spilling beans*[/spoiler] [spoiler]I have problems with commitment and self-motivation. I liked this girl for a long time, and finally got the nerve to ask her out. We had been friends for awhile, so I really hoped it would work out, and that she would say yes. Instead, I got shot down, and she started dating a guy not even 3 days later. I was crushed. Ever since then I have been afraid to really commit to anything, be it school, relationships, or goals at all because I am scared of failure. It doesn't help that I have practically no encouragement from my family. My father has told me he was proud of me twice. Both times he was drunk. My brothers, unlike me, are involved in sports. My father praises them every time they catch a damn ball, but me? Nothing. Right now I am going to a 2 year college and am almost finished, but I still lack a sense of accomplishment. I feel like I could have done so much more. I probably could be a lawyer or a doctor, but I am scared that I might fail. It's something I am working on, but progress is slow. Hopefully things will improve soon[/spoiler] TL;DR: [spoiler]I have self-esteem issues due to lack of encouragement and previous failures in my endeavors[/spoiler]

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