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6/19/2014 12:13:03 AM
31
World War 2 Era Jokes
(In 1944) How can you tell that soldiers on the eastern front are good friends? When a soldier comes back from leave, his division has come backward 200km to meet him!- German joke popular in the east (Obviously)
"If you see a white plane, it's American, if you see a black plane it's RAF. If you see no planes at all it's the Luftwaffe!”- German saying on the western front
The skipper of a Polish submarine in WWII is asked: "you see in your periscope a German and a Soviet cruiser. Which one do you attack first?"
"Of course the German one", the Polish officer answers, "duty is always before pleasure".
English joke from North Africa
-When a clock goes forward it goes tictoc but when Rommel goes backwards it's tactic.
The German soldier was a Russian POW for about 5 years. when he got home and being single he asked about the ladies of the night that used to be in town. He was told the GIs married them all.
The night before D-Day, one Allied unit due to go ashore in an LCI was in final stages of battle preparation. During weapons issue, one quartermaster realised to his horror that they were one rifle short, and in desperation, issued one hapless soldier with a broom handle, and the advice, "keep out of danger and grab someone else's weapon when you get a chance."
In the early morning they stormed ashore in a hail of gunfire, and ten men died before they even left the landing craft. Suddenly the soldier saw a German infantryman taking aim at him, and with nothing to lose, pointed the broom handle and shouted "BANG!" To his amazement, the German fell dead.
Storming inland, the Allied soldier saw an MG position,again pointed the broom handle and shouted "BANG,BANG,BANG!" and again the Germans fell dead.
Suddenly, out of the smoke of battle, came a huge German jogging through the fields with no weapon at all. The Allied soldier pointed his broom handle again and shouted "BANG!"Nothing happened. Suddenly the German saw him and started to run towards him. The Allied soldier again shouted BANG! Again, nothing happened. And as the German began to close on him, the Aliied soldier heard him muttering under his breath, "Tanketty tanketty tank! Tanketty tanketty tank!"
Even a Soviet one! - Some soldiers of the red army are ordered to storm a German fortification. The commanding officer tells them to "Kill the Germans to the last man!"
After a while, the soldiers return, dragging along a German taken prisoner. The officer gets mad and says "What is this, i told you to kill them to the last man!"
One soldier replies: "But Sir....this IS the last man!"
How many French soldiers do you need to defend Paris?
- no one know because no one tried
How many gears do french tanks have?
- five - four backward and one forward in case of a rear attack
Why are French roads lined with trees?
So German troops can march in the shade.
During a strategy conference a fly began buzzing around the room, landing on Hitler’s shoulder and on the surface of a map several times.
Irritated, Hitler ordered Darges to “dispatch the nuisance”. Darges suggested whimsically that, as it was an “airborne pest” the job should go to the Luftwaffe adjutant, Nicolaus von Below.
Enraged, Hitler dismissed Darges on the spot. “You’re for the eastern front!” he yelled. And so he was sent into combat.
Hehe, hope you guys got a chuckle out of these, post em if you got em!
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1 ReplyIf electricity always takes the path of least resistance, why doesn't lightening only strike in France?
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Two [b]N[/b]azis walk into a BAR
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1 ReplyNecrobump.
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[i] [/i]
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4 Replies
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1 ReplyT-34 >
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Something something jews
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"Remember, Hyperion says, passing gas at camp is sometimes fatal." -female announcer.
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1 ReplyDoes this count?
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[u] [/u]
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2 Replies2 Germans walk into a bar. [spoiler] they died[/spoiler]
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Is my torch bothering you? Don't worry, auschwitz it off.
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22 RepliesThe biggest joke of WW2 ^
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1 ReplyHuh, thought that tank joke was about the italians, not the french.
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I might have found these on Google search, but they're still good. A man in Germany felt he needed to confess. so he went to his priest, "forgive me father I have sinned. I hid a Jew in my attic during WW2" "Well thats not a sin" answered the priest "But I made him agree to pay me 50 Reichsmarks a week." "I admit that was not good but you did it for a good cause." "thank you father that eases my mind but I still have one more question" "What?" "Do I have to tell him the war is over?" [spoiler] person A starts out with someone saying something bad about jews and concentration camps person B: My grandfather died in a concentration camp person A: really, I'm so sorry. person B: Yes he was drunk on guard duty and fell out of the tower[/spoiler] [spoiler]Hitler and Goering were arguing about the Jews, Goering stating that they were quite clever people and Hitler vehemently denying they were any such thing. Finally Goering told Hitler that they should go out in the city and Goering would show Hitler it was true. Hitler agreed, so they disguised themselves and went out on the street. Goering took Hitler into a shop, went up to the counter, and asked the clerk: "Do you have any left-handed teacups?" The clerk stared at Goering for a moment and then said no, mein herr, I do not. The two left with Hitler complaining that he did not understand what the point of this was and Goering telling him to be patient. They went to another shop and Goering gave the same act: "Do you have any left-handed teacups?" The clerk stared and shrugged his shoulders. They left with Hitler becoming incensed over this nonsense and Goering begging for patience. Finally they went into a Jewish shop; Goering again asked the clerk: "Do you have any left-handed teacups?" The clerk smiled graciously, went into the back room and made a show of rummaging around, brought out a saucer and teacup, set down the saucer, and carefully placed the cup with the handle pointed so Goering could pick it with his left hand. "There you are, mein herr!" the clerk said. Goering bought the teacup, thanked the clerk, and the two men left. Goering turned to Hitler and said: "See, I told you the Jews were very clever people." "I don't see what was so clever about that," Hitler snapped. "He just happened to have one in stock!"[/spoiler] [spoiler]The scene is a bar in Berlin in January 1933, filled with [url=http://www.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin%27s_law]-godwinslaw!-[/url]. Goering is skulling stiens of beer with the brownshirts, Goebbels is sipping cocktails with a couple of groupies and Hitler is seated with a wild-eyed Hess discussing pupil diagnostics. An American journalist enters, sees the full crew and realizes he's sitting on the scoop of the century. He asks the barman: "Which one shall I ask for the absolute bottom line on the [url=http://www.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin%27s_law]-godwinslaw!-[/url] plans?" "Goebbels, of course" answers the barman, "He knows everything." The journalist approaches and says "I want the bottom line on what this [url=http://www.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin%27s_law]-godwinslaw!-[/url] thing is." Goebbels flashes him a smile and says "We intend to kill six million Jews and one postman." The journalist's mind races. "But why do you want to kill one postman?" Goebbels shouts over to Hitler: "See Adolf, I told you no-one gives a fig about the Jews!" [/spoiler]
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3 RepliesSo, the guy acted like he was a tank
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2 RepliesEdited by Pointblankmos: 6/19/2014 9:12:07 PMWhen the RAF attack,the Germans duck for cover. When the Luftwaffe attack,the Allies duck for cover. When the USAF attack,everyone ducks for cover. (German joke from the Eastern front)
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I'm going to Russian to your vagina
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1 ReplyI got every single one of those Here's one: What is the Russian battle cry? "For the Motherland!" What is the American battle cry? "For America!" What is the French battle cry? "RETREAAAAAAAAAAAT!!"
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JOLO Jews Only Live Once
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Are you looking Fuhrer a good time? You came to the reich place.
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Germany
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Top lel
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6 RepliesI literally got none of those jokes
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3 RepliesInb4CommsOfficer
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I loved all of these.
