I was taking a stroll outside when I saw a large bird of unknown origin, it turned and asked me "Are we out of peanut butter?" I replied "Of course not foul fool, I am of the matrix" In which I preformed six back flips to present the word with my peanut butter. A lady down the road saw this and called the cops, they arrived in purple and green cars with yellow bow ties on top. Each officer was a six foot tall woman with perfect form, but instead of grabbing me they stopped by KFC for pizza. Do to the lack of pizza they arrested an elderly man and took him to the pound to pick out a puppy. Astonished by the turn of events, the large bird stroked it's brow and returned to the Netherlands from whence it came. Without my feathery friend, I returned home to a surprise jack in the box. The box was orange and poorly made, with a smell of brandy. I opened the box to find nothing inside other than a saltine cracker with cheese wiz. I consumed this lovely treat, only to find it had been poisoned by the duke. Several hours later I awoke dead and among my mourners, I told them it was alright, in my new zombie state, only head shots count, and the duke can poison me as much as he likes. So the rejoiced and sold pound cake at the local fair. The duke was upset to hear of my new zombie powers, and sent his elite guard of robots to clean the bathroom, while he debated his next assassination attempt. Unaware of his newly cleaned restroom, I set out on foot to find the one ring. but Frodo beat me to it, and sold it on the black market for a bag of chips. Without the ring, I had to find a new means of entering the dukes restroom, so I could place the ultimate dookie within his bowl.