[url=http://www.duffelblog.com/2013/03/department-of-defense-to-award-purple-heart-for-butthurt/]Source[/url]
[quote]WASHINGTON, DC – In the wake of the newly unveiled Distinguished Warfare Medal, the Department of Defense intends to relax standards on the nation’s oldest military decoration – the Purple Heart. Under the expanded interpretation, the award will now be available to any disgruntled service member suffering from disillusionment and shattered expectations.
“Acute Rectal Inflammation, colloquially known as ‘butthurt,’ is a serious and grossly underrated epidemic plaguing our military,” Lieutenant Jimmy Chang, Doctor of Osteopathic Medicine, told The Duffel Blog. “Essentially, psychological or emotional trauma, stemming from either internal or external stimuli, manifests itself and eventually begets anal trauma. In severe cases, butt cells can become so hurt that they become malignant. In fact, butthurt is the leading cause of colon cancer among service members.”[/quote]
This will probably help improve morale in the face of impending budget cuts, but why stop here? Cases like this have spread far beyond the military, with most civilians experiencing symptoms of butthurt in varying degrees throughout the past few years.
What do you think: butthurt taxcuts? Maybe incentives for butthurt small businesses or self-employed people?
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while it is satire it would not surprise me due to the large amounts of purple hearts minted due to the possible invasion of Japan.
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I'm so glad that was a joke.
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Edited by Symmetry: 3/9/2013 3:15:10 AMThe field "Body" is too short or too long. Please enter a length that is 2 to 10000 characters in length. (28)
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hehe Duffleblog >The Onion
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So Duffleblog is like the Onion?
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[url=http://www.duffelblog.com/2012/09/us-army-marine-corps-facing-charges-of-forcible-sodomy/]Speaking of butthurt...[/url]
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Every member of Halo Waypoint to be awarded the medal upon registration.
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Well I know most of this forum will be awarded for it.
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I got shot in the butt-ox mr.president
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The internet is wonderful place.
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Is there an award for quality threads as well as articles?
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Satire articles are nice.
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ah the internet awesome
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His name should have been James Rustle.
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[quote]What do you think: butthurt taxcuts? Maybe incentives for butthurt small businesses or self-employed people?[/quote]Absolutely not. No handouts for butthurt people. It's their own fault they're butthurt, they should have had thicker skin.
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*Acute Glutioneuralgia is the proper term
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Awe man I probably deserve like 5 of these.
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Man, I remember when someone posted something from Duffelblog and thought it was real.
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Oh duffelblog...
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Relevant
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Damn, I'd never get that purple heart. :(
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The Duffelblog is the best