So some of you may remember [url=http://www.bungie.net/en-us/Forum/Post?id=59789634]this thread[/url] I made after I was rejected by a close friend of mine, Angie. Well, after everything described in that thread, we continued to be close friends and hung out almost every day. I would still feel around to see if she was maybe becoming interested in me because she definitely enjoyed herself around me. Another friend of ours, Karl, would also hang out with us a lot. Karl has been friends with Angie a little longer then I have and he sort of introduced the two of us. From almost the very beginning Karl knew I liked Angie as more then a friend and started aiding me in my attempts to get with her.
Our close friendship took quite a turn on Saturday night as I was closing work. Angie, Karl, some other co-workers and I had plans to go over to my house and chill overnight. While Angie was waiting for me to close she was talking with another co-worker who I'm fairly close friends with. She asked him if he could see her with any person at work who it would be. Of course he knew I liked her and said my name. Her response was, "Oh no, not Kyle. [i]Anybody[/i] but Kyle." Of course this co-worker told me about this shortly after I got of work and I took serious offense to this. She had known I liked her for about a month at this point and I was fairly understanding of the fact that she didn't want to date me, but her comment was a bit too insensitive in my opinion.
I had decided at that point that I was done being played by her and I wouldn't necessarily ignore her, but I wouldn't go out of my way to talk to her either. I basically ended our friendship. She still came to my house that night with everybody else and she caught on fairly quickly that I was done with her. I told Karl that I was done and he immediately went and told her (don't ask why.) She came into the room and tried to socialize with me and I completely blew her off. Not long after this she went running out of the room and I knew something was wrong. Karl followed her out. He came back about 10 minutes later and told me she was outside bawling her eyes out. He asked if I was serious about the whole removing her from my life thing and when I said yes he left again to talk with her. The rest of the night was really weird. Angie tried invading my bed and I didn't even ask her to get off when I was ready to sleep. I just looked at her (who was faking being asleep at the time) and then looked at another co-worker who was with us, and I said, "Can you get this thing off my bed for me." He dragged her off and she fell on the floor. She didn't look very upset and I just hopped in bed and fell asleep.
The next morning I woke up to her getting ready for work in my room. She asked Karl to drive her to work. Karl took her to work and everybody else home. That night while I was at work Angie texted me saying she wouldn't be going on a camping trip which her and I had been planning together for about a month now. At this point I realized how stupid I had been and that this whole situation was getting out of hand. Once I was off work I called her and made up with her in a way. I explained to her that she needs to start being honest with me about how she feels and she needs to quit saying shit behind my back. (There was a lot of other stuff that was said, but it was about a 45 minute phone call and I'm not covering every detail.) This conversation was pretty hard over the phone because we were both crying pretty bad and it was really hard to understand each other over all the sniffling. She ended the call telling me there was one last thing that she wasn't ready to tell me. I told her that we could talk about anything at all, but she assured me that she wasn't ready to tell me.
On Monday she called me and said we needed to talk about something important. She said that Karl had opened up to her too. It happened that night that he went outside with her after I was ignoring her. He had basically written her a poem and showed it to her. She forwarded it to herself after he showed it to her. Here it is: [quote]I think I like this girl that goes to *** she is a junior and her name is Angie *** and idk why because she is gorgeous and funny and chill as -blam!- and she has the prettiest eyes for a girl I know it seems that I may like her just to piss off Kyle or just to get in her pants.....that's bullshit she should date me because I can show her how to be treated right I can trust her and I am interested in finding out more about her but idk if she feels the same about me at all she says I am a cool guy but let's face it there is more to it than that. She has the looks and personality I mean I want a girl like her absolutely and she is a cheerleader!!! I mean it can't get any better I am not asking to marry her but I want to try dating her because I know she won't regret it ever!!! I think about it everyday I know she goes to a different school and all but I can surprise her take her on dates and shopping and show her that I can be the best and I am not saying to love me at first but let me show Angie *** ... Who is right for her!!;)[/quote]
I instantly filled with rage when I heard this. I felt so betrayed by Karl. She assured me that she had no feelings for him which helped the situation a little. The next day (which would be yesterday at the time I'm writing this) I picked her up from school and we hung out a little. She had to work at 5 so I drove her home so she could change into her work clothes and I could drive her straight there. She left her phone in my car when she went inside so I decided why not check what her and Karl were up to. I found that little poem that Karl wrote her and sent it to myself. The rest of what I found nearly made me sick. Angie had said to Karl that she found his message very sweet and even said it was the nicest thing any guy had done for her. She said she read it over a hundred times. I wanted to stop reading at this point but I kept going. She eventually said to him that she feels different about him than me and I knew what that meant. The last one I remember reading was one about how they were going to tell me without hurting me. It was about that time that she opened the car door and I tried not to make it obvious that I had been looking through her phone. When we got to work I walked over to Karl, who was working at the time, half inclined to deck him in the face. I told him that I knew about him and Angie and that I wasn't going to stand between them anymore. What confused me is that he still tried telling me that I should keep trying with her. I flat out told him that it would be pointless to do that because she likes him and not me. I ended the conversation with, "See'ya Karl, treat Angie well. You know how much I care about her." I went and told Angie the basically the same thing who had pretty much no objection. I also told them both that I wouldn't be going camping with them and I probably wouldn't be hanging out with the two of them anymore.
I went home and for 5 hours sat in my chair, all depressed, and thought about what I was going to do. I eventually typed up a little novel of my own to Angie, deciding I wasn't going down like that. Here it is: [quote]Alright Angie, -blam!- this shit. I cant take it anymore. I -blam!-ing love you. I know this is message is gonna be hard for you to read but please try your best. Ever since we met I knew there was something special about you. I've just been to scared to say anything or act on it. Karl told me pretty early on that I should try going after you (which looking back on it now seems pretty -blam!-ed up, but whatever.) The more we hung out, the stronger my feelings got for you. Karl told you how I felt about you that one night and I really think he did that to -blam!- me over because at the time you had no idea how strong my feelings are for you. That night you told me you didnt feel the same way about me was the saddest night of my life. I cried all night and im not gonna lie, for the briefest moment even contemplated ending it all. I had a dream that night that you were on a date with some other guy and I was just watching the two of you. I woke up from that dream crying so hard i could barely breathe. I know this is the last thing you wanna hear from me considering Karl opened up to you too and it might seem like im just trying to one up him, but i really want you to know how much i want to be with you. I know you dont want to date and i totally respect that but im asking for a chance, not necessarily now but eventually. Because trust me Angie, I have never felt this strongly about any other person in my entire life and letting myself go down like this will be my biggest regret in life. You are an amazing person Angie, you're funny, beautiful, and so fun to be around. I have never enjoyed being around anybody as much as you. The only reason I waited this long to tell you how I felt is because I was terrified how it would effect our friendship, but since that has already been -blam!-ed to oblivion i guess now is the time. I feel like I waited way to long for this and Im sorry that i decided to do this just after telling you that i would let you and karl have your space, but i thought about it and what i would do if i saw you two together and it honestly scared me thinking about what i might do. Again, im so sorry i had to do this now, but i wouldnt be doing this if i didn't feel so strongly about you and if i didn't feel i had a chance to impress you and show you that we can be more than 'just friends'. If you dont want to talk to me, thats fine. Just know how much i love you and how much it pains me to think about us apart. <3[/quote]
So, how bad did I -blam!- up?
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That's quite the experience; you certainly did not -blam!- up or anything like that. Don't worry, we all have experiences like this at some point. What's important is that you pick up and move on! I know it sounds silly now but life really does move on (super cliche) and you will meet new people that you will love and will love you.