I see you, I hear you, I witness. My sister passed last year, about this time. If I think too hard about the circumstances, I go incandescent. But burning myself to a cinder isn't going to serve her memory, or get her justice, so...I breathe. Grieve, and feel it. Healing is not linear, for the love of all the gods don't ask ChatGPT, go find some humans to talk to. That app is cursed and I'd rip it out of every phone with my bare hands if I could. We NEED people, in all our awkwardness and frustration, in all our messiness and imperfections. We've all lost someone. We know. A friend of mine says that grief is an ambush predator, waiting for you in the supermarket baked bean aisle when a certain song comes on. It's a -blam!-, and it WILL catch you up in public places. It will anger you and embarass you...and that's okay. Let the tears fall. Eventually, you'll realise you do have to get up in the morning and make something to eat. It will stop feeling so ridiculous that the sun is shining (how DARE it???), and that your heart is still beating. I hope you get to a point where you realise you have a whole life ahead of you to live, to cram with experiences so you can tell them what you've been up to when your time comes, and you won't be in a hurry to meet your time, because you've got SO much more to see and do. Give yourself time. Give yourself grace. We need less Dredgen Baels in the world. Pain is a part of life, but there's no reason to turn it without, or turn it within. We find purpose between the bright places where pain cannot reach, because life has always been hard, but our ancestors found a way to keep moving and keep living in spite of it. I am here, if you need someone to speak to. I have no great wisdom...but I know pain, and how to keep going, one foot after the other.