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11/10/2025 11:17:23 PM
7
I ate some peas. They taste like body odor.
Why did nobody warn me? For forty years I've avoided peas, forty pleasant years not knowing that peas taste like musky mud. If you told me that peas are made from mushy, moldy drywall I would believe you, but gypsum honestly sounds more apPEAling than the monstrosity that is peas.
How can people claim that G-D is good when He put this affront on our plates?
"HERE, EAT THEE THESE GREEN MUSH BALLS AND HATE THYSELF AS I HATE THEE."
(That's what I imagine the Gods said when they invented peas.)
Peas are a trick, they aren't tasty, they taste bad. My soul yearns to forget.
Don't make my mistake: Don't eat the peas! Reject them! Say with a firm and resounding voice "I am no pea eater! I'm a hu/wo/man, not a duck, my life has value!"
Literally I think they're just repurposed compost.
English
#Offtopic
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1 ReplyWhat are you going on about? Why did Nobody try to warn you? Because Odysseus is a stand up guy that had to protect his identity. He risked cyclops murder to warn you peas taste like body odor and you didn’t listen! Heck, I’ve been trying to warn you for forty-freaking-years and you have done nothing—nothing—except sitting there silently eyeing that plate of peas, smelling—SMELLING—nothing but the stench of body odor rising from it and not connecting the dots. I put out full page ads in newspapers, commissioned playful cartoon animals to wax poetic about the terrible taste of peas at the end of Saturday morning children’s programming, I funded a show on broadway called Macbeth Gets Revenge on Duncan for Tricking Him Into Eating Peas, I put a literal dead canary in a literal coal mine that I spent a fortune filling with peas for you to ignore, and I even hired a sky plane to follow you around with a banner portending the danger for most of the early 2000’s. Nothing. Not one response. Not even a friendly cease and desist order! Well now you know. The hard way. And we can move onto my second warning: Body odor tastes like peas. Don’t even try it. Heed my warning!
