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12/13/2022 7:50:50 PM
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[b][i]*Continued Below*[/i][/b] [b]Saitonia:[/b] What missions is your group looking for, [b]Crisha[/b]? [b]Crisha:[/b] Think it was investigating [b]Vaisallon[/b] King Roman. Roman [b]Deiphamos[/b], sure you've heard of him. [b]Saitonia:[/b] Tch. Not like everyone else had. [b]Crisha:[/b] *sort of suprised by Sai's response, and reacts by quickly turning her head towards him* What do you mean? [b]Saitonia:[/b] Just after I killed [b]Terranova[/b], he suddenly arrives and attacks me, and lucky for him, got the upper hand since I was immensely depleted. He tried to finish me off, but his Grandmaster stopped him, telling him that [b]Liomage[/b] is why he came to [b]Saitranovia[/b] basically...for revenge from some battle between the 2 mainlands back in 2010. So even he knows about my future self, or perhaps he thought I was the future version. [b]Crisha:[/b] Wow. Yeah, a very ferocious, assertive guy; the type who won't let something slip. If he wants revenge, he's getting it, no matter what he destroys or who he destroys. Stereotypical [b]Vaisallian[/b] person, true in most cases. In order to be [b]Vaisallon[/b] Ruler, it works like a monarchy; the ruler is chosen by a predecessor who's a relative, usually for both king and queen positions, 2 different families having to mutually agree to it, that is. For example, before Roman, it was his father, [b]Spartos Deiphamos[/b]. Despite us [b]Saitranovians[/b] having rulers, we're more of an oligarchy. Our ruler doesn't have all the power. [b]Saitonia:[/b] I'm aware of that. [b]Crisha:[/b] Yeahhh, [b]Vaisallon[/b]'s government is what can also be called an absolute sovereignty. Only the king and queen have all the power. [b]Saitonia:[/b] Well it's quite close to how [b]Saitranovia[/b] was under [b]Terranova[/b], well actually it was much worse. [b]Crisha:[/b] Well you've lived under it and his tyranny transported you and your twin sister here. [b]Saitonia:[/b] You really have been listening to my future self's "speeches". __________________________________________ (Later, in a small city in north [b]Dyphinix[/b], from the top of a building, a duo of random noblemen hunters are spying on a base set up by the Purple Cloaks.) [b]Noblewoman Hunter:[/b] *minimizing the zoom on her eyepiece* Nothing too suspicious. I mean, [b]Liomage[/b] has been on the throne for a week, I guess? And they want him removed instantly. [b]Nobleman Hunter:[/b] He wasn't this disdained back then. The hatred for him has skyrocketed by a massive amount, and it all seems to come from extreme [b]Galacists[/b]. I stay as far away in the involvement of governmental factions, but the [b]Saboeths[/b] seem to be the inciters. [b]Noblewoman Hunter:[/b] My family is quite [b]Galacist[/b], but I just can't like the [b]Saboeths[/b]. [b]Zali, Ridon, Decrio[/b]...just something fishy. Better luck next time for [b]Zali[/b]. *laughs* Ok...who's the head of the Purple Cloaks? *The noblewoman zooms in with her eyepiece, and some P.C. members are creating signs, setting up defense mechanisms for the base, and 1 member even raising a large, purple flag at the top, then miraculously jumps stories down to land perfectly on their feet, but that's actually pretty normal for [b]Terranovians[/b]. Though throughout all that, no one seems to stand out.* [b]Noblewoman Hunter:[/b] Aggh, they must be inside. No one over there looks unique enough. Could they be blending in? [b]Nobleman Hunter:[/b] We'll notify The Monarch of our discovery. __________________________________________ ([b]Alivydia[/b] Forest. Cat, Kav, Alexa, and they have also brought Kyo with them, to visit [b]Kizani[/b], camping as usual. The 5 seem to have engaged in a conversation already.) [b]Kavita:[/b] You were in the military, right [b]Kizani[/b]? How was it? *quick exhale* [b]Kizani:[/b] Which one? [b]Kavita:[/b] Both. [b]Kizani:[/b] *sighs* It's...what's it called? "De-facto"? But the closest in Japan is the Self Defense Forces, where I was a medic, or nursing that is. [b]Cathera:[/b] Can't imagine how many soldiers you had to treat. [b]Kavita:[/b] Or had to watch die on the bed *raspy breather*. [b]Kizani[/b], you can be brief about both experiences. How was it here in [b]Saitranovia[/b]? [b]Kizani:[/b] *soft gasp* Ohhhhh...how can I explain? It was...scary, especially as an earthling surrounded by "superhumanoids" as you call it. Where their strength naturally exceeds us humans by a large amount. [b]Kavita:[/b] Us humans can get as strong or even stronger, but recovery, takes way too long in comparison. That's why you'll hear me take these weird-[b]a[/b]ss breaths. [b]Kyokia:[/b] Yeah. Going after [b]Clockshot[/b] on your own was a fatal mistake, but he's dead anyways. [b]Kizani:[/b] I actually went onto the battlefield, taking in the role as artillery. Cannons, rockets, high-powered weaponry. I still remember a time in 2015, Operation Exo-Biotic Valley, where my unit was stationed in [b]Tezakia[/b], and what I thought were attacks coming from [b]Vaisallon[/b] forces, it was [b]Siviurix[/b]. We held them off, only to find out a [b]Vaisallian[/b] unit was attacked by [b]Siviurix[/b] as well, only to end up all killed. [b]Kyokia:[/b] For such savage warriors at heart, they sure as hell couldn't handle some robots. [b]Alexa:[/b] [b]Siviurix[/b]? Are they like a private mercenary organization who uses robots? [b]Kavita:[/b] *soft chuckle, then light breath* Alexa...the [b]Siviurix[/b] are this alien-like robot species not from this planet. There's 3 more of these alien species; [b]Triaryin, Zaphscara, and Aeliaus[/b]. Kyo can show you some images? [b]Cathera:[/b] That was pretty widespread news. The [b]Siviurix[/b] attempted to colonize and "terraform" [b]Tezakia[/b]. The operation was quite weird as well, didn't even get it's name until the [b]Siviurix[/b] attacked. [b]Alexa:[/b] If [b]Terranovians[/b] weren't alien enough.... *Kyo suddenly snickers, then replies with: "There's always weirder." Then, a fleet of [b]Vaisallon[/b] ships fly over, attracting the attention of the 5.* [b]Cathera:[/b] *sighs, then sarcastically* Kyo, I think they heard you. [b]Kyokia:[/b] Why aren't they landing right by us, eh Cat? Haha, just said that at the worst time. They seem to flying towards the outside of the districts. [b]Kizani:[/b] They recently built a coliseum there. Maybe this is their way to enact revenge on [b]Saitranovia[/b]. They better hope they're successful this time. __________________________________________ (Outskirts of [b]Saitranovia[/b], at the newly built coliseum. Many [b]Vaisallon[/b] ships are landing in, with soldiers, accompanied by armored hounds, exiting them. Assistants are decorating around the coliseum, while Roman and the other top members of the [b]Vaisallon[/b] government watches them.) *Roman stands up from his throne, looking around while distinct Greek conversations go on.* [b]Grandmaster Riuno:[/b] *yells in Greek* (Our people, June 30th, it will be [b]Vaisallon[/b] Combatant Organization against [b]Saitranovia[/b] Fighting Tournament. Do not miss this historical event!) *looks back at Roman* [b]Roman:[/b] Very well, Grandmaster. Both parties have 3 months to prepare! June 30th, [b]Saitranovia[/b] will only get a small taste of what we'll do to them after that! This time, we will become victorious! *Some soldiers raise their spears and shout, then a cannon fires into the sky. A large, azure-blue and gold ball explodes, releasing silver and gold sparks big enough that the people in the districts can see.* __________________________________________ [b][u](END:)[/u][/b] [spoiler][b]Erased....[/b][/spoiler]
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  • Okay so far this is not bad. I write a lot, so here is a few tips. You need more detail. Even details that have nothing to do with the story. “They ran hastily through an alleyway. They were wearing purple cloaks with a stripe of black, and a mysterious symbol which their enemies could not make out. They had various weapons attached to their leather belts. One had a pair of twin pistols, and on his back was a short sword attached horizontally to keep it concealed. The other had a dagger only about six inches long. It’s handled made with alloys worth ten of the finest land speeders. He also had a long suppressed pistol.”

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  • Thanks for the tip. Never really considered myself a good writer, but I also don't want to put in too much detail. I'll use something like this going forward.

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