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12/19/2021 2:37:39 AM
2
[quote]Were you aware that you were dead?[/quote]
Valid question. I hate it when people die and then forget that they're dead and start being alive again. This is why star wars is a bad franchise.
[spoiler]i think you could have used a bit more description when you were flipping through Edgar's memories. I know it was supposed to be concise, junping from onr to the next, but it was a little too short for my tastes. Loved the shift in tone in the dialouge. Really good job with starting out polite and joking then ending on panic and confusion. [/spoiler]
English
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Memories aren't usually so clear
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True, but i think having details that signal to the reader that the scene is unclear is less clear than having little details that don't tell the reader all that much. I think i'm looking for that hazy, dreamlike quality, but i'm especially fixated on the memory with Autumn, since that one is pretty bare. I'd prefer having a description of the Shadar Kai elves than their name because people oft remember faces better than names. It could also be a pacing thing, where it is not too little, but i think it is because you give 2 sentences in the first 2 memories, but only 1 sentence in the third and fourth memory, then we're back to 2 sentences for the fifth. Again, i'm focused on the memory with Autumn and a little bit on the one with Scylla since it seems like there's an odd hesitation in what is otherwise a pretty uniform sequence of scenes. It could also be a personal thing with me. I'm sure you can tell by now that i like words, and i like a lot of them, so i'm a little miffed that i don't know the hair color of the Shadar Kai elves.
