[quote]Shadow, you know you've made it when other people are writing about your stuff.[/quote]Oh, my friend, you don’t know the half of it. I’ll be happy to give you some tips. And I’m familiar with the Destiny of Shadow so I can probably provide some useful insights. Though I’m not ShadowwheartMC herself, and she could obviously provide better feedback from her story. [quote]Granted, it wasn’t how the Awoken would’ve done it, but she didn’t care.[/quote]Shadow doesn’t know Awoken traditions. She’s a Guardian, after all. She has no memory of her Awoken life (and furthermore might have been an Earthborn) and as a Guardian didn’t spend any time among the Awoken society because they don’t let outsiders in. [quote]Someone cleared their throat nearby, and it was dark enough that the sound made Shadow tense. [/quote]A question: where is this happening? It would definitely be good to have a location in mind, even if you don’t say it outright in the story. Normally Shadow would be inside House Judgement’s Ketch, but in this context that’s a bad choice. Ketches are pretty well lit and there’d be no risk of enemies entering unnoticed so she wouldn’t be tense. [quote]She stopped walking, and gripped the hilt of her Steady Hand.[/quote]In my opinion this is a bad choice of weaponry for Shadow. She’s always sucked at the Crucible and avoided it. Iron Banner weapons wouldn’t be her cup of tea or something she’s likely to have. You could ask Shadowheart about it, she might be able to suggest a weapon. Or you could be generic and just say “the hilt of her hand cannon.” [quote]Shadow fired. The bullet flew for one second flat[/quote]I’m gonna be really picky here, lol. Like, super picky about the exact phrasing of “for one second flat.” How close was Shadow to Cor? A bullet moves very fast, and in an entire second it could travel a vast distance. I recommend saying “a fraction of a second” instead. This also brings up the issue of the ice rising up from the ground to catch the slug. Space magic or not, that reaction time and the time for the ice to form all the way up from the floor would have been absurd. Having said that, it was a good way to reveal the Stasis powers so maybe don’t change how he stops the bullet. Just try to remember to avoid actions that could be too ridiculous. [quote]She reached for her blades, but all warmth was gone.[/quote]Maybe rework this sentence. This makes it sound like merely being cold is stopping her from reaching her shock blades, rather than the fact that her body is encased in ice. Or have I misunderstood? Is she reaching for her shock blades or trying to use Blade Barrage? [quote]My…brother is alive.[/quote]Okay, this could be a problem. Guardians don’t have memories of their past life, so they’d have had to meet and gotten to know each other after being revived. And also somehow discovered they were siblings. You can leave that all a mystery, but it might be good to have an idea of their history in mind that works with Destiny’s world. To avoid any issues. All of your writing was excellent. It was all very well-written. Well done. All my corrections are on [i]really[/i] intense, deep and detailed aspects so don’t stress about them.