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Destiny 2

Discuss all things Destiny 2.
Edited by Grays_KS27: 9/4/2020 4:15:20 PM
47

It’s been 2 years, NOW you can panic

Hello everyone, KS27 is here to ruin your day! Hooray! Today is the 2nd anniversary of the release of Destiny 2: Forsaken! Forsaken was released on the 4th of September, 2018. And today is the same date in 2020. Yay! Party! It’s also the anniversary of the day Cayde-6 died. Yeah, that killed the mood, didn’t it? Don’t worry, I’m not finished. This post will discuss a very popular topic amongst fans and also educate on some hilarious, interesting and obscure Hunter Vanguard lore. So, ever since the tragic and dramatic death of our goofball pal, Cayde, many people have been [i]constantly[/i] asking this one question: [b]Who will be the next Hunter Vanguard?[/b] This question has caused a dilemma amongst the fans and in the lore with Hunters scattering, questions of the City’s stability, suggestions of making Taniks the next Vanguard, even people desperately grasping for ideas of ways to revive Cayde. (Next great idea: Scorn Cayde-7. Definitely possible. Not ironic at all) And I’m here to deliver to you this uplifting message: [b]Now you’re allowed to panic.[/b] Let me introduce you to one of the most mysterious failures in lore: [b]Kauko Swiftriver![/b] Love this guy. Honestly, what a legend. [i]What?[/i] You’ve never heard of Kauko Swiftriver? I shall educate you! Kauko was the 3rd-to-last Hunter Vanguard. Cayde was the last, Andal Brask was before Cayde, and Kauko was before Andal. And what else do we know about Kauko? He disappeared. That’s it. Poof. Nothing else. This guy was the HV (Hunter Vanguard) and he vanished. You wanna know the best part? [b]He didn’t leave a Dare behind.[/b] Brilliant. So what did the City and Hunters do? They waited 2 years! After Kauko had been missing for 2 years, finally the City hit the Panic Button™! Kauko was declared dead. His Dare wasn’t found so the Speaker said “Whatever, you Hunters deal with your issues and select your next leader. Peace out.” And the Hunters scattered like disgusting little roaches (oh, I know my Hunter-main readers are loving this). And so began the thrilling trilogy of the worst Vanguard Dare failures ever. Of all time. First was Kauko’s lost Dare. Next in line, awhile after Kauko was declared dead, Cayde and Andal made a Dare to fill the position Kauko had left vacant (and they were definitely drunk when they made this Dare, by the way). A race to kill the mercenary Taniks, the Scarred. Whichever one killed Taniks won and the loser had to become the HV. Cayde killed Taniks so Andal became the HV. Then comes the funny part: Taniks was still alive. Andal stayed in the Vanguard while Cayde went and killed Taniks again. Then guess what happened? [i]Taniks lived![/i] Taniks is more unkillable than a Guardian! Next Taniks killed Andal. Another terrible loss for the Hunter Vanguards (also extremely ironic. The Senate would be proud). And since Cayde had never killed Taniks he replaced Andal. And most of us know how Cayde died at the hands of the Scorned Barons and that he left behind a failure of a Dare, relying on the absurd idea of a Hunter killing him. Which didn’t happen. So now we are once again left without an HV (shush, this post isn’t about Uldren). Kauko, Andal, and Cayde’s Dares all failed. And now 2 years have passed since Cayde’s death so we can slap the Panic Button™ and freak out just like everyone did with Kauko. All y’all who’ve been squawking about getting a new HV or reviving Cayde for 2 years nonstop are now justified. And yes, I [i]did[/i] shut my mouth and wait 2 whole years just to make this post on this day. Am I obsessed? Maybe. Did I look into the future with my ability of precognition to know that there still wouldn’t be a replacement for Cayde two years later? Maybe. Remember Kauko! [spoiler]Also -on a slightly related note- a reminder that October 1st is the anniversary of Shadowkeep’s launch, and the return of our favorite homeless mercenary and enemy to Hunter Vanguards: Taniks the Scarred (as a Nightmare). Perhaps we can celebrate with a [i]completely “serious”[/i] post about why Taniks is absolutely 100% the rightful Hunter Vanguard? I’m joking, of course. Unless… For more of my posts, check out my [url=https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/228191135/0/0]Master Post[/url].[/spoiler]

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