{{
`${userDetail.user.displayName}${userDetail.user.cachedBungieGlobalDisplayNameCode ? `#${standardizeBungieGlobalCode(userDetail.user.cachedBungieGlobalDisplayNameCode)}` : ""}`}}
{{getUserClans()}}
7/3/2020 1:11:25 AM
11
Looks pretty good! A couple of things I can say though:
[quote]“You alright there mate?” [i]A man, tall, broad, most likely a hunter.[/i][/quote]
I don't know about other people, but personally I don't really like the "RP" style of writing, if you get what I mean. There's a word for it but I can't remember it. I would write it like this.
[quote]“You alright there mate?” he asked. I looked him over. "Tall, broad, heavily armed... he must be a hunter", I thought.[/quote]
And like Aifos said, the lack of buildup for the stranger is slightly off-putting.
English
-
You're thinking of scripting. Saitonia should be an expert in that by now
-
Yeah, that's the word.
-
I don't enjoy scripting that much, but i don't really mind when people do it. To me, it's more like playwriting than prose, which is a seperate art of itself. (Personally i think scripting is easier to sit down and write, but it's a lot harder to portray because you have to have actors actually deliver the lines and you have to worry about camera placement and sets and props and costuming and all that movie stuff.)
-
For this school year I had to read through Romeo and Juliet so I know what you're talking about. For me it just feels a little unnatural to read.
-
Yea, the other challenge of scripting over prose is getting the actors to properly deliver the lines. A writer can write a conversation perfectly smoothly, but then the actors just can't get through it because it feels so unnatural to them. Screenplay writers have to take into account that the words they put on the page may not be the exact words said onscreen because of the actors and the writer speak and think in different ways. What sounds so unnatural to you and me in today's time was probably perfectly normal in shakespeare's time, whcih goes to show that the meaning of a piece is so much more important than the techniques used.
-
Ok. So more like reading a book versus directly reading what he’s thinking? Which is the way I wrote it initially.
-
Yeah. If you want to write that way a third person semi-omniscient view would work best.
-
[quote]Yeah. If you want to write that way a third person semi-omniscient view would work best.[/quote] I was talking to Aifos, and it looks like 3rd person will be better. I’ll try that next time. And pardon my dumb but what does [quote]semi-omniscient[/quote] Mean?
-
Edited by NotZzephyr: 7/3/2020 2:08:31 AMkinda all seeing, narrator knows almost everything
-
There are two types of third person. There's Omniscient, which means that the narrator (you) can see inside the heads of all the characters, see what they're thinking and stuff like that. Example: [quote]Matt faced the bounty hunter uneasily. He knew whoever drew last would be dead. The bounty hunter stood across the way, with the same sensation gnawing a pit in his stomach.[/quote] Then there's semi-omniscient, where you can only see inside the head of one character. Example: [quote]Matt faced the bounty hunter uneasily. He knew whoever drew last would be dead. The bounty hunter stood across the way, staring him down with a steely glare..[/quote] In the first example, you can see everything that both the protagonist and the minor character are thinking. In the second, you can only see what the protagonist is thinking. [spoiler]Sorry for the long explanation lol.[/spoiler]
-
Ok I get it. [spoiler]Don’t worry about it. I’m just glad I’m learning! This is definitely new territory for me and I need all the help I can get![/spoiler]
