Two big things struck me as off; The first is the way you had your character’s emotions portrayed. Take this line; [quote]”...” I can’t say anything.[/quote] It’s kind of redundant. The “...” already implies you didn’t reply, so we don’t really need you to reaffirm that. Instead, elaborating on why you couldn’t say anything might’ve been better. [quote]”...” I can’t say a word. Maybe I knew it was because he was right—that the old man cared for us in his own, flawed way.. Or maybe I didn’t like the way this guy acted like he knew him better than me.[/quote] Alternatively, either the “...” or the “I can’t say anything..” would’ve worked on their own. The other issue is the total lack of buildup. The protag either should’ve had more time alone with his thoughts, or the stranger should’ve been introduced in a less.. Sudden way, for lack of a better word. Something like [quote]“Oi, (protag), that you? What are you doing out in the rain?” “I’m sorry, do I know you?” “Oh, sorry, guess you wouldn’t remember. I’m a friend of your father’s.”[/quote] The biggest piece of advice I can give here, though, is to remember that if you’re writing in first person, we should hear more of the protag’s thoughts. If you want us to be a bit distant, and not know what he’s thinking as much, I’d switch to third person.