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originally posted in: D.F.A. 1st Annual Writing Contest
Edited by Shadow_of_Merica: 5/31/2020 5:09:16 PM
5
MCXXXI, Forthcoming. Recorded by Scribe Shagac. And so it was that the forces of the great Emperor Calus slew the final remnant of the Red Legion. As the end of all things neared, the grand Emperor looked upon the great system of Sol and saw but one blemish on an otherwise perfect system. That blight was the Red Legion, the remnant of the traitorous Ghaul's ambitions. So the Emperor of joy summoned his finest Cabal warriors and made a resounding proclamation. "My warriors, slayers of the greatest armies, you have fought well under my rule! And to see you to remain loyal after all that has occured fills my heart with great exuberance! But now, I must ask of you one final thing. Slay the remaining tatters of the Red Legion. Wipe them from our great system, tear them limb from limb if you must, my champions! Now go! Make your Emperor proud!" And at these words, the ever loyal army of Emperor Calus moved to destroy the Red Legion forevermore. The Red Legion stood no chance against the jubilant Emperor's armada, which numbered in 5 billion soldiers+. The quashing of the cowardly Red Legion was so great that the few remaining foes that clinged to the Legion fled to a final base upon Mars, where the Emperor's forces eagerly searched them out. The battle that ensued was so powerful and gracious that no written word could describe the beauty of the slaughter of the Red Legion. And at the end of the battle, the leader of the Legion, the one named Kulvil++, was left alone. And so the coward Kulvil was kept alive and taken aboard the Leviathan, where he was placed before the great and opulent Emperor. The Emperor looked upon the shriveled form of the Cabal leader and began to laugh so tremendously that the Leviathan trembled with the Emperor's joy. And once the Emperor finished his bout of laughter he stood and said to the hapless Centurion, "Stand tall, my foe, stand proud, my great enemy. For you have made a great achievement, one that will be remembered until the end!" And so the wretch looked upon the beautiful Emperor, a sin in itself, and asked, "And what may this be, great Emperor?" And the Emperor smiled and simply said, "You are the last festering slime that will stand under the banner of the Red Legion." And reaching down, the Emperor crushed the head of Kulvil. And the system of Sol was perfect. +The scribe employed at this future date shall please verify the number of soldiers that the great Emperor commands at the time of occurrence. Delete this footnote upon actualization of this history. ++The scribe employed at this future date shall please verify the name of the cowardly leader of the Red Legion. Delete this footnote upon actualization of this history.
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  • Edited by Silas Mori: 5/31/2020 1:27:33 PM
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  • You commented on someone else’s entry instead of the original post lol

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  • That comment will now be [REDACTED]

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  • Well done! Creating another scribe prediction was a cool idea. You even added the footnotes! The stories won’t be judged until the 13th, so for now here’s some feedback and you’re free to edit your story. It’s been awhile since I last read/heard any speeches from Calus, but I think some of his speech might have been a little too simple. He’s very extravagant, after all, and likes throwing out colorful wording. I could be wrong, but maybe have a look at some of Calus’ speeches to see if there’s anything you can do to make it more Calus-like. I will also look at some Calus lore to see if I’m wrong. I only noticed one grammatical error. It seems you used “cowardice” here when you should have used “cowardly” [quote]The quashing of the [u]cowardice[/u] Red Legion was so great[/quote]

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  • Thank you for the feedback.

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