D: Good Afternoon, I'm Dick Hertz, tonight would be the occasion in which I introduce you to our newest team-member in studio, but due to growing concerns of the UwU pandemic, we are doing our best to implement our best social distancing practices. Allow me to introduce for the first time our new professional correspondant, Bett Wood-jefakir. B: Thank you, Dick; it's great to be here. D: I understand congratulations are in order for your recent marriage. B: That's right, Dick. Up until a week ago I was still just Bett Jefakir. My new Husband who's first name is also Dick, if you'll believe it; sends his best regards. D: WOW! Well all of us at the studio are so happy to have you Bett, and pls give Mr. Dick Wood-jefakir our love. Take it away Bett. B: Thanks, Dick. At the top of the hour, Stock Market upheaval, A sudden surge In SHIT prices coincided with massive losses to RP in an event some people are calling; [b]Cringe-Friday.[/b]. The Opening Bell on the last trading day opened on what investors were hoping would be a market boom, for some it was; for the RP market, it was a catastrophe, falling 100% in the first hour investors saw some sign of recovery but not nearly enough to stem the tide of investors jumping ship. Still experts in the field say; this is nothing new... [quote]RingLeader77:I think the shift is a sign in a healthy market. I'm proud to see it naturally decline rather than due to tensions between rp-ers and non-rp-ers. I hope that this leads to a greater balance and equality between the two basic types of posts. I believe that if we can keep roleplay posts to only one or two high quality "campaigns" at a time, then we will have a very good market for all types of denizens in Off-topic.[/quote] Investor opinion remains mixed on RP, though recent market spikes seem to tell a different story. Dick? D: Alright, thank you Mrs. Wood-Jefakir; up next UwU resurgence! The once believed to be defeated UwU plague has seen an increase in cases across the board. Assumed to be the work of Eldritch Horror, Polycephalon; we approached a known Terrorist for comment on the situation- we have hidden the identity of the terrorist as a condition of him speaking to us. [quote] ????- Poly's just having fun pissing off all the furryphobes, trust me; it's going to get worse before it get's better... wait are you recording me live? interviewer: yes. ????- F<bleep> [/quote] Crusader forces have been seen mobilizing, and businesses are beginning to prepare for what could be a long quarantine... And coming up next on the Market news, One users poetry has begun to cause a stir in the story Market, begging the real question; should poetry be rated in the Story Market, or should new markets be founded? [quote][b]HoTh Heichō[/b]:Much like most forms of art, poetry is not limited to one set genre of poems. There are stories, there are satires, there are poems with deeper meaning, such as waste land, and there are poems that have no further depth, a la the red wheelbarrow. I think poetry itself deserves its own category because the form can have components of all the other stonks. [/quote] We reached out to Bank officials and Ratings bureau experts and they informed us that while there were no immediate plans to expand the market; ideas are circulating, and they will not rule out a future market reform. And for our last story of the evening a return of an old favorite [url=https://www.bungie.net/en/Forums/Post/255630431?sort=0&page=0]Offtopic Arena[/url] has made it's most recent debut as a premier gladitorial fighting arena, the time honored games continue to please users and the participants are as eager as ever. As RP numbers slide and SHIT numbers increase, institutions like the arena are bringing back the crowds. And as a final word for tonight; the free market of offtopic was established to gauge the interest of all subjects, now that is a bold task; some people seek to change the whims of our f1ckle interests through protest; and while in the real world that may be effective; in our digital paradise it seems only counterproductive. I have message to those people who won't contribute anything but protest; what's stopping you from changing things? If you like Turtles post more turtles; if you like intellectual philosophical discussion, post more. And yes some people will dislike what you have to say, and some will even downvote you, but if you are persistant and clever enough; perhaps you can bring people into your fold you might have never guessed. And remember, the death of prejudice begins with an extended hand... I'm Dick Hertz and you've been watching the Market News, stay healthy Offtopic.