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9/29/2019 11:07:27 PM
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The Offtopic Murder Mystery: SEASON 2 (part 9)

Aku moved to the chair where Varvatos was sitting. “Why the hell are you tied up?” Varvatos rotated the swivel chair with feet to face Aku. “They think I’m the murderer! Even though I’m right here with you guys instead of over there! Wait, where did you guys come from? And where’s that other robot dude?” Aku shifted. “We were in the kitchen. And...He’s...dead.” Liam approaches Aku. “That’s not good. Saber was a good robot. Better than these two idiots over here.” All three of them turned their heads to Nighthawk and Eagle arguing with each other. Their discussion was getting heated. “I’m just saying, you shouldn’t have been here, Eagle. Not while-“ Nighthawk began. “While what? Spending time master bating to the posters of those who killed?” Eagle retorted. “Oh I’d expect that from someone like you Eagle. Why couldn’t DDT have killed you and saved us the -blam!-ing trouble of having to deal with you now?” Nighthawk retorted. “Bah! When we’re through with this, I expect you to go where all uncontrollable animals go, a cage!” Eagle spat. “Oh we’re stopping to that level now? I’m not sure what’s worse. This murderer or your IQ!” Nighthawk retorted. “Remember what Xombie called you? What was it? Oh yeah! A piece of shit bird, you know he was right about that!” “Imagine being so insecure that you don’t even have real wings, you have to switch from a suit to a wing suit! Grow a pair, won’t you!” “You’re nocturnal right? I’m sure it’s so no one has to see your excuse of a -blam!-ing face!” “Do these two ever stop?” Liam asked. “I don’t think so.” Aku sighed. “If I had a mother like yours, I would’ve sued my father!” Nighthawk yelled. “Oh well, at least I had one who didn’t leave to go get milk!” Eagle shot back “Bah! The Destiny forums have more intelligence than you and your colleagues!” “I was walking the streets the other day and thought I saw you, turns out it was a garbage can! I thought ‘hey, what’s the difference right?’” “Your mother is so fat she had her own moons orbiting her!” “Shut the -blam!- up you feathery cu-“ “GUYS!!” Aku yelled at them. “Are you incapable of not insulting each other for just ten seconds?! There is a murderer on the loose!” “Shut the -blam!- up Aku!” Both of them yelled at him. Aku slunk backwards a few paces, surprised at their sudden anger towards him. “We are having a familial argument, and one of us is gonna win it! So go stick your tea up your ass and shoot it out your dick!” Nighthawk shouted. “Ha! Unlike you, he could actually do that in a pinch, and actually get ladies. Remember how you tried impressing Dove?” Eagle smugly replied. “Oh you little cu-“ “I don’t feel too good...” Varvatos quietly said. Nighthawk turned toward him. “Listen here you robotic...wait...why are his eyes green?” Everyone turned to look at Varvatos, whose eyes had turned a solid color of grass green. His posture slunk over, he began speaking in a voice not his own, but similar to the killers. “[i]I won’t let you do this...you can’t kill them all.[/i]” Varvatos suddenly jerked to the right, spewing a voice similar to the killers. His eyes turned a yellowish green. “[b]Why not? This is our night! One murderous night! It’ll be fine...now shut up and strap in for a ride.[/b]” At that point, Varvatos jerked backwards, his eyes returning to their normal blue. “Agh! Who-what-when-where-why?!” Liam turned to Nighthawk. “Uhh...what just happened?” Nighthawk moved to Varvatos’ back. A small rectangular item was bulging from the metal back. “Varvatos...why is there a rectangle in your stomach? “I got hungry while working on my machine. I thought that tape was a perfect snack!” Varvatos replied. “Tape?” Aku steppes forward. Nighthawk turned his head toward Eagle. “Cousin, if you could be so kind as to procure a monkey wrench and go -blam!- your self later, that would be great.” “Fat chance on the -blam!-ing part, but fine.” Eagle pulled out a small wrench from his suit, and handed it to Nighthawk. Nighthawk began unscrewing the back of Varvatos. “This is gonna hurt a bit.” “Why? What are you-“ *Creak!* “-YEEEEEEEOOOOWWWW!!!” Varvatos’ stomach fell to the ground, revealing several tapes and a old peeled banana. Liam grabbed two tapes, each one listed with some number. “Huh, must have a signal broadband, so it broadcasted to the nearest source. In this case, Varvatos’ Head.” “I feel dizzy!” Varvatos fell to the ground. “If I die, eat my orange juice Liam...” “What do you say we take a peak as to what’s on these tapes?” Nighthawk asked. “As long as I get the popcorn bowl this time...” Eagle muttered. “What are we gonna play it on?” Aku asked. “We don’t exactly have a DVR lying around.” “We got Varvatos..?” Eagle asked, looking at him, only to see Varvatos drooling. “Wait, how can a robot drool? What is he drooling?” “You don’t want to know.” Nighthawk responded. “Let’s head to the break room. There might be some TVS there. As for Varvatos, you can carry him Eagle. You’re used to carrying dead weight!” “Says the guy who murdered a whole house of people for calling him names and taking some pocket change.” Eagle shot back. “Why you little piece of-“ “I’ll carry him.” Liam said. As he picked up Varvatos, he muttered, “I -blam!-ing hate birds.” [spoiler]Sorry this one is a little shorter! Been focusing a lot on school as of late. [/spoiler]

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