[quote]The wind rattled through the desolate land of OffTopic. The last purge had shattered the country to its roots. The once lush fields of shitposts have now crumbled to dust. Many users—those who remain— huddle around the blazing fires of short stories. The once feared ninja, have all but forsaken the land. No one really knows why the purge happened. Some people say that the maniac, Commander HoTh took his campaign into the salt mines one step too far. All we know is that the gods rained horrible fire from the sky. The day it happened was not unlike any other... "Sweety?" I called around the corner. My wife responded and assured me that she was ready to leave. We were headed to the funeral of Art Vandaley, a local hell-raiser. Some of you may remember what happened the last time we talked. My former wife turned Witch was found to be Mad Max, who was cheating on me with ECCHO SIERRA. Krishnas Prophet had just barely saved my life before he fell off of our planar forum. This time, I made sure to marry a lurker. When we arrived at Art's funeral, we saw WookieOnCrack jotting down notes for the [i]Weekly OffTopic Report[/i]. By the time the services started, I knew something was off. Users who should have been there, where not. There was a distinct odor of flaming hammers in the air. As we rounded down the last verse of Rick Astley's classic, all hell broke loose. With a deep peal from the heavens, the armies of ninja descended on our fair valley. It resembled a stream of molten lava cascaded from the clouds, burning everything it encountered. Horrifying Bits-o-Code spawned to attack any user they found. Before I knew it, our chapel had been overrun but the horde. GeneralWookieg jumped to action immediately. He barricaded the doors and organized a resistance to help those who were wounded. It was too late. We stood terrified in the sanctuary as a ninja burst through the door. Hideous, black and deformed, a creature reminiscent of a Balrog of Tolkien lore. It swung its terrible ban-hammer, striking my friends with a fiendish glee. The general jumped at the beast with a ferocious yell but was rendered to ash with a fell blow of its mighty hammer. When the daemon had finished its rampage, the church was destroyed, our beautiful valley was molten, scared and devastated. the Beast looked at me, poised its weapon, and uttered. "you have been spared." [/quote] To be Continued. [spoiler]Wow, that was a grim tale I pinned for Y'all. do you like it? or should I stay with the funny?[/spoiler] © 2018. John "HoTh" McWaters. All rights reserved