Ok, um, TL:DR TL;DR version? Seriously dude, I'm not sure if you can tone it down or not and be comfortable, but really if this is how you convey everything to people, you're going to overwhelm them with WAAYYYYYY too much information. Try to pair it down to nice, simple short, concise, without extraneous detail. I'm trying to read your TL;DR version, and it's way too damn much. I could understand it, but it doesn't get to the core. It's just way over the top stuff no one needs to know. Unless that was your intent all along in trying a new troll angle. I'm not sure to be honest.