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12/8/2017 5:42:27 PM
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Sergeant Major Avery Junior Johnson is still better than any guardian, in case you had forgotten.

Here's a brief list of reasons why: •He knows what the ladies like. •Back in his day, they didn't have no fancy shmancy tanks. They had sticks. Two sticks and a rock, for the whole platoon. And they had to share the rock. •If God is love, call him Cupid. •Your father never asked him for help, either. •He don't do bits and pieces. •He don't care if it's God's own anti-son-of-a-bitch machine or a giant hula hoop. And, perhaps most importantly, •He would have been your daddy, but a dog beat him over the fence.

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  • "Dear Humanity we regret being glimmering bastards, we regret coming to activision, and we most defnitely regret sgt. johnson not being in our raggedy ass game!" [spoiler] HOORAH! [/spoiler]

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