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Edited by cbrstar: 5/2/2017 11:17:14 PM
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A Scientific Analysis of This Weeks Update May 2 2017

Sometimes Science makes mistakes… Yes that’s right, horrible life altering mistakes. Now sometimes Science gets falsely accused. Like how those X-Ray specs you ordered from a back of a comic book never worked. When the reality is that those X-ray specs were never a product of Science, but a mere clever ruse by the C.I.A to keep track of all you pervert’s in America. But alas mistakes do happen… Recently Chinese Scientists after playing Portal 2 decided that it was pretty nifty, and decided to make a real life portal gun! The results were slightly a failure…Not only did they open a gateway to Hell, but they accidentally cut a man in half with it. Well it turned out they only had enough funding to sort one problem out, and they decided to fix the poor man cut in half. They were going to rebuild him, faster, smarter, and stronger. Since they never had done this before, and the 6 Million Dollar Man aired back when no one had TV’s in China. They decided to draw inspiration from the local toy industry, and they chose the cleverest toy yet produced in China…The Kinder Surprise Egg. As you can see from the picture above, the “Kinderman” (what his peers nick named him) has never been happier. He’s better, faster, and yes ladies slightly taller than he ever was before. So if you ask me it’s not so much a Science mistake, but a Science win. ============================================================================= [quote] “This week at Bungie, we’re setting the guest list for the Destiny 2 gameplay premiere”[/quote] [b]*Translation*: [/b] If you’re not a streamer or a half naked chick trying to be a streamer, then you’re not on the list. #yourlifesucks [quote]“As you might expect, it’s a pretty big deal for us.”[/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] Our paychecks for the next three years are riding on this, we don’t want you COD guys jumping ship for COD or whatever game floats your boat this September [quote]“Bugs are being identified and squashed.”[/quote] [b]*Translation*: [/b]Actually we’re busy trying to come up with cute cuddly name for them like “I care, Care-Bear” [quote]“We’re getting butterflies as we count down the days.”[/quote] [b]*Translation*: [/b] Actually it’s just indigestion from all the cocaine parties we’ve been throwing. [quote] “The PS4 and PC versions of the game will be on display, so you should expect another wave of news, coverage, and content to dig into after the event is over.”[/quote] [b]*Translation*: [/b]Xbox…. We’re not bitter. [quote] “We hope you’re as excited as we are. Whether you’re in attendance at the show in person, represented by a community leader, or simply watching the stream from the comfort of your home, we plan to make it worth your while.”[/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] Hopefully this will sucker you into pre-ordering before we lift any media bans like last time. [quote]“For starters, our forum has been localized – meaning you can now filter the conversation by various languages there”[/quote] [b]*Translation*:[/b] You can now pick the language you wish to post pictures of your cat in Offtopic. All feedback will still be ignored no matter what language you use. Especially if it’s in all CAPS and German. [quote] “As our community grows around the world, so will the staff that helps us moderate the conversation. Please join us in welcoming the new community volunteers who will make the quality of the forum their personal responsibility. The following Guardians now carry the rank (and privileges) of Mentors and Ninjas.”[/quote] [b]*Translation*: [/b]Turned out firing so many cool ninja’s like Recon54 created a manpower shortage, and everyone left over being overworked… So we “hired” …Can we say hired when they are all volunteers who work countless hours without getting paid? Don’t worry Madmax isn’t the cool edgy Madmax from Offtopic, but some other rube that was willing to work for free. Remember please respect their authoritar, it’s the only thing they have going for them in life. [quote] “The Destiny Companion application also received an update that delivered stickers you can use to pepper your iPhone conversations.”[/quote] [b]*Translation*: [/b]Please see the picture below where someone is telling DeeJ that they are quitting their job, and DeeJ masterfully lightens the mood by spamming their phone with stickies! #class

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  • Edited by Chastice: 5/6/2017 12:54:02 AM
    This post makes dealing with the new, "leaner" schedule at work a little less like confessing my iniquities to the Grand Inquisitor of the Inquisition. [spoiler]Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition![/spoiler]

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