Here's one that's less funny when we realize that it's actually quite insidious.
1. Prohibit a substance with high demand, thereby creating a black market.
2. Wage war against this black market, and use the opposition to scare people into supporting you.
3. Profit nicely from the plunder of this war against the black market.
4. Decriminalize the substance.
5. Regulate the substance. Make sure corporate cronies are the ones dominating your hyper-regulated market.
6. Insert taxation at all levels - production, distribution, and sales.
7. Monopolize as much of the market as you can.
8. Profit.
You should all be thinking of alcohol in the U.S. following Prohibition. Now think about the route that marijuana is following. People will believe that freedom wins, and the state (with its corporate partners) will walk away with the money.
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Alcohol is one of the most taxed things in this country. A doctor friend of my started a winery and said the taxes are insane.
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They are, and it's by design. Of course, the money never gets talked about. It's hard to sell people on thievery like this, so it's better to try and dress it up like a safety precaution or a sin tax that dissuades people from using harmful substances. It ought to be insulting that those are the selling points, though. "I lack the self-control to live a responsible and healthy lifestyle, so it's best if the government calls the shots when it comes to my booze."