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1/19/2016 2:51:37 AM
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Who's up to critique?

I wrote another poem, and i'd like to see what y'all think of it. Always open to constructive criticism, speculations about what it's about, all of that. No draft is a final draft, and i'm always open to rewriting my work if I feel it isn't good enough. Anyway, hope you enjoy the read, if nothing else. [quote]Can you hear us, from ivory towers? Voices from beneath your poison bowers, Calling out in hopes you hear us, A plea for help from far below. Can you see us, beneath your feet? Crowding the humbled, filthy streets. Huddled masses on chilly days, Trading privacy for warmth. Can you smell the scent of decay? The far, forsaken souls tossed away. The weak, the young, abused and abandoned; Blood, bone, and tears to fuel your greed. Can you bear that bitter taste? Will you change, or make amends? Will you heed the downtrodden choir? Lest your possessions be your only friends.[/quote]

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  • In your first three stanzas your rhyme scheme is AABC, but in your final one it completely throws that out the window. Personally, if I'm writing a poem I like it to follow a pattern the entire way. Other than that not bad. Perhaps try and adjust the wording in any sentences that you feel you could do better?

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