I also am sick to death of this issue and Bungies lack of skill to be able to fix it.
It's a shame this issue isn't biting into Bungies profits somehow because then the issue would have been fixed months ago.
Have you tried doing the Internet test thing to join each other?
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You will have to be more specific....what Internet test thing? I agree. It seems like they are doing something. But whether its the right thing or actually going to solve anything is a hole different kettle of fish. I feel really bad that I am playing this solo and not with my boyfriend as I have almost already beaten him to max light by literally grinding Iron banner. By myself. Last month we did it together... its just getting stupid now. He doesn't even get a error code. Just a Unable to join target player. If I am anywhere near a fireteam with a friend. In orbit by myself. In tower or even patrolling he just can't join me if I am on the same line as him. Even if it was my other friend who invites him. Its flipping stupid.
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The Internet test is what me and my kid do to join each other. Go to "settings" on your ps4 browser page. Choose "network" Choose "Test Internet connection" (You and the person you are wanting to join need to do this on your consoles at the same time.) Then when you have both completed your Internet tests, backout of the screen and go back to Destiny. You will have to log in to Destiny from here, and when you are both at your character selection screen, choose your characters at the same time and then one of you join the other one AS SOON AS your ship appears on the screen. This always works for me and my kid, but sometimes you may need to do it 2 or 3 times :-) I hope this works for you.