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originally posted in: Read this if you're bored.
8/22/2016 6:25:16 AM
6
This is gold. I remember the good old days when great things like these were rampant. Examples: [spoiler][quote]Tired of hearing that Titans got the shaft with exotic armor? Then look no further than Peregrine Greaves! "Wait a second, aren't those the ones that increase flying shoulder charge damage? That sounds kind of bad. " You're right, it does sound pretty useless. How much damage could it possibly increase? Well the answer is: A LOT. See that Sunsinger with Ram? Radiant Skin, wow, what a tanky mother-blam!-er. It's too bad he dies when you knee him in the face. Voidwalker about to lob a collapsing star at you? No problem. Kneenja him before he does that. Little striker pissing his pants and about to level the place with a Fist of Panic? Professional counsellors advocate the use of Peregrine Greaves during panic attacks. Armor of Light Defender, nigh invulnerable to everything but collapsing stars, beams of Solar Light, giant shockwaves of arc energ- FAAALLCCON KNEE Cloud wannabes omnislashing around the place with an electric toothpick? Say hello to my MOTHER-blam!-ING O-KNEE-CHAN. It gives your flying knee attack 300% increased damage. That's 600 damage in crucible! In comparison, the hp of anything in pvp is... Significantly less than that. Not only is it a melee attack, it's also an arc attack. Arc burn and brawler modifier on? Enjoy oneshotting that Hallowed Ogre. It'll deal more damage than Celestial Nighthawk. With solar burn. Oh yea, did I mention that it also turns your knees into [url=http://i.imgur.com/pks4Rq6.jpg]lightsabers[/url] when shoulder charge is active? And most importantly, it changes colour with your shaders. Checkmate Warlock and Hunter peasants.[/quote] [/spoiler] [spoiler][quote]Is good time conquer Oryk today. Fireteam of Titan, Titan, Warlock, Warlock, Hunter, Hunter. Round of last. I jump to tower, full auto on the gun. Ogre is kill but where knight is? Then death! Architect is give me secret kill. Is wipe, team say? Is wipe? But wait! Activate radiant and is rise from ash like phoenik bird. Knight is run. KNIGHT IS RUN! Unable to stop like kamikaze. One, two, three bang goes the gun. Five million shoot him in the hip then run to middle man. Is shoot Oryk in chest and run to blacks. Boom! All go white is like Chernobyl. King of Taken destroy. What loot is? [spoiler]320 Helmet and rifle of scout![/spoiler] Is edit: Thank. Is Gorothog fight more excite too. Also loot of 2 times boot. One white. Other black. Also Mouldering Shard.[/quote][/spoiler] [spoiler][quote]What if everything you ever wanted... WAS TO KICK EVERYTHING IN THE FACE!? FOREVER! THEN YOU NEED PEREGRINE GREAVES!!! PUT THESE SWEET LEGS ON YOUR TITAN AND YOU WILL DECIMATE THINGS WITH YOUR POWERFUL KNEES. THEY ARE GEMS. YOU WILL LOOK GLAMOROUS LIKE A STYLISH LADY WHILE YOU KNEE SOMEONE IN THE THROAT SO HARD THEIR TEETH GO THROUGH THEIR SKULL! YOUR LEGS ARE BEDAZZLED! BEDAZZLED WITH THE STRENGTH OF 1,000 KODIAK BEARS IF KODIAK BEARS CARED ABOUT GRAVITY AND EVOLVED TO DO SWEET JUMPKICKS! YOU WILL SET YOUR CHILD ON YOUR KNEE TO GIVE HIM SOUND FATHERLY ADVICE ANDTHAT CHILD WILL EXPLODE BECAUSE YOUR KNEES ARE INSTANT DEATH! YOUR SON WILL DIE! YOUR WIFE WILL DIVORCE YOU! YOU WILL DIE ALONE ATOP THE MOUNTAIN OF CORPSES YOU'VE LEFT IN YOUR WAKE AS YOUR LIFE DISSOLVES INTO A NIGHTMARISH HELLSCAPE OF VIOLENCE AND DEPRAVITY! YOU WILL TAKE PEREGRINE GREAVES INTO THE CRUCIBLE AND YOU WILL MASSACRE PEOPLE! YOU WILL KILL THEM ALL! YOU WILL KNEE BLADEDANCERS! DENIED! GET THAT BUTTERKNIFE THE HECK OUT OF HERE! YOU WILL KNEE RADIANT WARLOCKS AND CAUSE THEM TO WEEP RADIANT TEARS! YOU WILL KNEE GOLDEN GUNSLINGERS...CAREFULLY.... YOU WILL KNEE OTHER TITANS IN THEIR BUBBLES, DIVING INTO THEIR NEON DISCO DANCE PARTIES BLIND AND MURDER THEM WITH YOUR ENERGY LEGS! IT IS YOUR BUBBLE NOW SO THAT GU---wait, shit...THE BUBBLE IS GONE BECAUSE OF YOU!? WHY THE HECK DID YOU DO THAT!? YOU WILL KNEE STORMCALLERS SO HARD THAT THEIR OWN LIGHTNING WILL ARC AROUND YOU IN A SPECTACULAR HALO! A HALO! YOU WILL KNEE SUNBREAKERS... ALSO CAREFULLY... BEFORE THEY THROW A HAMMER, PROBABLY... YOU WILL KNEE NIGHTSTALKERS IN THE FACE BEFORE THEY EVEN REALIZE YOUR THUNDEROUS ENTRANCE HAS HAPPENED! YOU WILL RUIN YOUR K/D LIKE I HAVE BECAUSE YOU ARE ADDICTED TO THE SWEET, SWEET SOUND OF INSTANT AIRBORNE DEATH! YOU WILL CATCH SO MANY SHOTGUN BLASTS TO THE FACE AND IT WILL BE WORTH IT WHEN YOU KNOCK A BLADEDANCER OUT BEFORE HE CAN CHOP UP YOUR TEAM! EVERY PAINFUL DEATH WILL BE VALIDATED AS YOUR LEG COLLIDES WITH A FIERY WARLOCK'S GOAT HAT SO HARD THAT HE'S RENDERED BRAIN-DAMAGED AND HIS FAMILY FIGHTS WITH THE STATE OF TEXAS TO TAKE HIM OFF OF LIFE-SUPPORT! HE WILL LIVE OFF OF TUBES! BECAUSE OF TEXAAAAAAS! PEREGRINE GREEAAAAAAAAAAVES!!! [spoiler]SIGN PEREGRINE GREAAAAAAAAAAVES!!! IF YOU'RE AS EXCITED AS I AM ABOUT THE RETURN OF THE BEDAZZLED FACE-KICKERS![/spoiler][/quote][/spoiler] I have a lot more. This was added to the list :)
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