Welcome back to another Unofficial Weekly Update! The only Official Unofficial Weekly Update! [b]Today's Poll: Should we get an additional character slot?[/b] For my return, I wanted to start off a bit easy, and I found a random Tower citizen to ask them some questions! [b]So thanks for sitting down with me! What's your name?[/b] It's Frederick Ulysses Cornell Kirkgard. Son of Salvadore Ulysses Cornell Kirkgard and Amy Sandra Serra. [b]...so tell me what brought you up to the Tower?[/b] So I heard that since Rahool was elected Speaker, there was a need for a “Acquisition Agent” for the City below. See, I guess his Engram Tax Initiative or whatever didn't really work out, so since he promised more glimmer in the Tower, he needed folks to go and collect glimmer donations from the City below. I decided to give it a try and got an interview. Turns out he liked me in my interview so much that he promoted me to head of the GDB, the Glimmer Donations Bureau! [b]Glimmer donations? [/b] Sure. See, Rahool said the Tower needs more Glimmer, and since Guardians aren't really spending enough of it, he decided to take donations from the City. My job is to go and collect the donations, as well as oversee the collection of donations that my agents arrange. [b]People in the City donating Glimmer...how is that working out so far?[/b] Very, very well. Citizens of the City have proven to be very giving. It's terrific! [b]So you just go and ask people in the City for glimmer and they give it to you?[/b] You'd be surprised at what can happen when ask you someone first. [b]First...?[/b] There's a four step process that Rahool implemented. It's remarkably effective. First we ask, then we demand, then we start screaming and acting crazy, you know, kicking things and trashing homes, all the while waving a gun in their face. [b]I uh...what's step four?[/b] Well, I haven't had to get to step four; most people are perfectly reasonable when you scream and point a loaded gun at them. I mean, sometimes you feel kind of bad because they are crying and talking about what tyrants we are- [b]Dear God man...that sounds like a mugging...[/b] Nonsense! The way I see it, Rahool was elected by the people. THEY voted him in, and so they must've had absolute faith in his policies! Besides, nobody has ever gotten to step four so, so far so good right? [b]Donations are supposed to be voluntary![/b] They voluntarily give us the Glimmer! See, watch. “Ahem, would you care to donate some glimmer to the Tower to help fund the brave Guardians who go to war every day for your right to exist?” [b]Really? [/b] Really. Would you donate to the cause, Citizen? [b]Uh, well I mean - I really don't-[/b] ANSWER MY GODDAMNED QUESTION NUMBNUTS! DONATE SOME GLIMMER RIGHT NOW! [b]HEY What the - man get off of me! Hey you can't throw punches...ACK!! Da F*** man?![/b] THESE GUARDIANS FIGHT AND DIE FOR YOU! LOOKS LIKE YOU NEED A LESSON IN SYMPATHY FOR THE PLIGHT OF THOSE THAT FIGHT AND DIE FOR YOU! [b]GET THAT F***ING GUN OUT OF MY FACE, WHAT THE HELL?![/b] I WILL END YOUR SORRY, PATHETIC EXISTENCE RIGHT HERE AND NOW! I KNOW YOU HAVE SOME GLIMMER TO DONATE NOW COUGH IT UP OR WE GO TO PHASE FOUR! ~Pulls back the hammer of his gun~ [b]I'm not giving you any money man, you've made your point.[/b] ~BLAM~ [b]YOU ACTUALLY F***ING SHOT AT ME!?[/b] BE PREPARED FOR MORE! I WON'T MISS THIS TIME! ~hammer clicks back again~ [b]YOU'RE BEING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?! JESUS F***[/b] DON'T F*** WITH ME! YOU ARE NOBODY IN THIS WORLD, AND NOBODY WHO MATTERS WILL MISS YOU, NOW MAKE A DONATION OR ELSE! ~BLAM, BLAM, BLAM~ [b]...TAKE FIFTY GLIMMER MAN, JUST TAKE IT AND STOP SHOOTING UP THE ROOM![/b] THAT'S ALL YOU CAN GIVE?! REALLY!? THEY ARE F***ING DYING FOR YOU OUT THERE YOU INCONSIDERATE BASTARD! [b]DAMMIT MAN YOU'RE PSYCHOTIC![/b] ~BLAM~ GIVE ME THE F***ING GLIMMER ASSWIPE OR STEP FOUR IT IS! [b]OKAY, OKAY HERE'S ANOTHER FIFTY!! [/b] Thank you for your generous donation citizen! See how easy that was? One Hundred Glimmer. ~snaps fingers and holsters gun~ [b]WHAT IN THE LITERAL F*** WAS THAT?! [/b] I just demonstrated a typical donation collection interaction. [b]You basically robbed me! [/b] How? You chose to give me the glimmer did you not? [b]Man, you were acting completely crazy...you were gonna kill me![/b] But you didn't have to. Robbing implies that I stole it from you. Near as I can tell, you offered it to me after being asked. [b]You were going to kill me if I didn't![/b] You CHOSE to give me the glimmer. You could have said no. [b]I...that was armed robbery man! Just because I don't want to die and gave you glimmer doesn't mean I donated it you, ass.[/b] I asked, and you gave. Everything was legal, and nothing was stolen. You didn't have to give me the glimmer; you could have chosen not to, but your patriotism towards humanity drove you to donate to me! The Tower will be better for it! For the Speaka! [b]Can I at least have my Glimmer back since you were...you know...demonstrating?[/b] Hahaha! Of course not! [b]That's-[/b] If you'd like I can demonstrate how we deal with aggressive individuals trying to steal donations. [b]Ugh...get out of here. First time back in over a month and I get robbed by some psychopath in the name of the Tower and Speaker Rahool...[/b] Remember, regular donations make the Tower go round. Can we schedule you in for a visit next week? And there you have it...I can't even... Xur visited the Tower last week and brought with him the Peregrine Greaves, Obsidian Mind and the fearsome Celestial Nighthawk. All items are fairly interesting, however the Warlocks and Hunters won out as the helmets are outstanding. Titans...well they can have fun being tank busters, but the Greaves are fairly niche and don't have any real purpose to use them over some of the more awesome exotics available. Bungie announced that there would be a spring update that promises a significant light level increase, as well as new weapons and gear to equip and use. While this excited many, the mentioning of a brand new full DLC PVE release is what got everyone riled up. Destiny has grown very stale for a lot of PvE players seeing as how Bungie has ignored them since the release of TTK, so this announcement reignited fires that were burning low. Also announced, was confirmation of the Runor that Destiny 2 would be out in 2017. “About damn time Bungie!” one poster was quoted as saying. Another poster didn't share the same sentiments though as they said, “Destiny is dead.” The search for the elusive 320 Ghost was alleviated for some during the Valentine's Day Crimson Doubles event. The Ghost proved to be the most sought after reward, and only a few were able to claim it as the rewards for the event were, as usual, stingy. “Why does Bungie insist on making loot so hard to get?!” one poster said. Bungie promised a 320 Ghost to anyone who completed at least seven matches though, so we can expect to see more 320 Guardians running about the Tower. This however, has sparked a little controversy over the “earned/not earned” debate that honestly should be dead by now but for some reason isn't. Bungie hired a new story writer, Christopher Schlerf, who was notable for writing the storylines of Halo 4 and up until recently, the highly anticipated Mass Effect: Andromeda. This could prove to be a significant acquisition for Bungie because Destiny's story has been very poorly received and is in desperate need for new life to be breathed into it. Could Bungie finally be realizing that there is more to a game than running around in circles shooting other players? Or that “story” is not a single mission played a billion times? Time will tell, but it is an exciting prospect to say the least. That's all we have time for this week folks! Sorry that I was gone for so long, I was working through some things, but I finally got the urge to write again! Big thanks to everyone who supported me and what I had going on, it meant a lot. A special thanks to the members of the Rift Runners. You guys are fantastic, and I deserve so much less given how little I've been around, but I can't thank all of you enough. I'm back. And it's great to be back. Thank all of you readers, your well wishes were an inspiration for me to start these back up again. You know how it goes, “I get knocked down, but I get up again...” Keep those guns piping hot and those Strange Coins handy, and I'll see you in the Wild!