When I was younger, I had a pool in my back yard. Well I was a lazy little shit, and when I had to pee I'd sneak to the side of the house by the decorative bushes. Then, I'd casually stand and let the warm current stream down my leg. Then I'd walk back to the pool and act normal, as the urine on me washes into the pool. I did this, even though a bathroom was literally steps away. It was abnormally close to the pool. One time I was having a pool party, and I went on with my normal procedure. Then something happened, I had to take a shit. So, I had an idea, shit in the bushes! So I casually slipped away from all the other 8 year olds over to the bushes. I then pulled my swim wear back and released, a perfect whole turd then sat perfectly on the top of one of my mom's fresh cut bushes. Me, not knowing how obvious a huge turd on a bush near a walkway would be, then got back to swimming. And then the party was over. My neighbor, a friend of my mom's, came to pick up her kid from the party while walking her dog. This dog often came by our house, swept through our yards, and even left shits on the front lawn. The neighbor, being the good friend she was, picked up the dogs shits always. When she came by with her dog, my tiny heart fluttered when she stopped to talk to my mom walking towards the bush. So I watched, I saw it all go down. The two women passed near the turd and stopped, they were very surprised to see such a shit. The neighbor thought the wondrous turd was from her pooch, and I'll never forget what she said. "wow! That is a big turd! I've never seen him produce one like this! Then, she proceeded to punish the dog. She went to her house, got a plastic bag, and PICKED UP my voluptuous brownie. She even commented on its texture and color, wondering about what she had fed the dog. And I, behind the stucco wall, had a face as red as a tomato. I couldn't hold my laughter back. I didn't feel and ounce of remorse. To this day I've told no one, and to this day I feel no remorse, because it was by far the most hilarious thing I've ever seen.