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#Idea

Edited by Sylok's Defiler: 8/21/2015 10:26:14 PM
27

A Novel Idea (Writing RD and Critique Thread)

Welcome to the aptly-named Writer's lounge [i]A Novel Idea[/i]. Here, would-be authors, part-time writers, and anyone with a creative mind can share their Rough Drafts of writing and fan fiction. Complimentary links will be created if and when they need to be, but just post whatever you come up with, and let other people voice their opinions on your work. Criticism is always welcome, so long as it isn't straight up slander. Enjoy! IMPORTANT EDIT: for shits and giggles, if you ever feel like writing a story with multiple chapters or long blogs of fanfiction, incorporate this thread in your work as an Easter egg in some way, shape, or form. Example: "why don't we take Bakini Bottom and push it somewhere else?" "Hey, now there's a novel idea." OR "This guy I talked to, he's, uh... He's part of a PMC my organization works with. I forget his name and he's obsessed with old rock and blackjack, but he's one hell of an asset."

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  • [quote][b][u]Blood Wolves side plot[/u][/b] [b][i]Chapter 1.4[/i][/b] [i][u]The Primarch Incarnate: Born In Combat[/u][/i] The head Apothecary watched in dissapoint as Brimstone struggled in the training ring. The servators were set to minimal combat levels to a space marine and he was barely keeping up. It wasn't just pathetic it was an insult to the chapter. This is the man that defeated Karnis. This was the man that was to take the place as Alpha. He sighed as he watched the man fight. His body refuses the augmentation, including the geneseed. His body showed the begining of physical transformation, but the source of which was unknown. Whatever the source it was a slow thing and he could accelerate it. All his compunds all his knowledge... useless. Pride welled within him. He was the Watcher of the Sleep. It was he who would initiate the new primarch after the touch of Karnis abandoned the Wolves. It would be he who deemed the Alpha worthy. He would never allow this thing to claim his role as Alpha. He could not. With a few quick twists he changed the settings on the combat simulator before walking away. Squad Combat. Full Lethality. WEAPONS FREE. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brimstone blocked the blows of the combat servators easily enough. His body still felt tight from the zigzag of scars from the Apothecary's surgery. He knew his body would deny the organs. He remembered the kiss of pain as a memory flashed in his head. Of a lone wolf in the dark. A fight decided by tooth and fang. He was jolted back to reality as servator picked up in pace. Exponentially in fact. 3 more servators came out of the alcoves. "Apothecary I think the servators are malfunctioning." Bladed limbs sprung forth. Weapon slides racked as they were readied. A burst of flame signaled the approach of a 5th servator carrying the bulk of a heavy flamer . "Apothecary what is the meaning of this." Brimstone was sent flying as he took the flat edge of a power sword across his side. The power arcing through his body like a thunderbolt. He tasted like nickel in his mouth as he stared at the servators about to reign hell upon him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [i]"All creatures have an instinct inside them. Humanity called these symptoms a 'Fight or Flight' instinct. Though over simpalized in its concept and thus doing no justice the chemical imbalance that causes this reaction, the terminology describes it perfectly. "If a beast is threatened and feels like it will win it will fight. If it is protecting something it will fight. "Likewise if it feels like it will lose or must put to much effort into fight, it will take flight away. If it has nothing worth fighting for it will take flight to stay safe. If at anytime it feels that it will lose during the fight it will try to take flight. "The sentient mind however is much more complex. The greater attachment to emotion blurs the lines. Fear, Pride, Love, Hate, all emotions that a sentient feels can disrupt instinct. "But there are more deciding factors that this concept takes hold over all beings. Think of the Orks. They that are breed for war and war alone. They know nothing of fleeing, their minds to weak to understand. They will fight tooth and nail no matter how out done and many of their kind will die. "Now imagine Eldar Pirates on the run. After a tragic loss. They see a target they could take but in their fear of the last defeat they pass. Instead they lick their wounds. They will live on ever more cautious than what instinct would have allowed. "But listen close to this. Imagine the Pit Wolves arenas. They are cornered. They have no escape. They are removed 5hat option. The only way out is through whatever stands before them. They will fight harder than they could imagine. They will win for the sheer sake that they have to. Their minds demand it, so they obey. "So I say to all of you gathered here today. Inside of every sentient creature in the universe there is a Pit Wolf. Most of us will never see it. But those of you who fight the Emperor's War have seen it. Tell me when you take the enemy to their last stand, how much harder do they fight to survive." -Golden Age audio excerpt [/i] [spoiler]critique???[/spoiler][/quote]

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