It sounds a lot better in journal version, but I think mixing in some first person in there would be good! Of course, you're the author, so you decide what is best for you. ^_^

Last question, how explicit should it be? I understand romantic fan-fic is sexual in nature, but does how far should it go? I typically write abstract short stories and ranting essays. This is so far from my wheelhouse lol.

Most journal-type fanfictions do have the tendency to get explicit, but think about it this way; would you write almost every detail of your sex experiences in your journal? I find it's better when, in a journal fanfic, that the writer (character, not the actual author) writes about how it happened/started (did he/she or his/her lover asked to meet at a certain place, did it start with a passionate kiss and one of them asking to move it to the bedroom, etc), how he/she felt as/when it happened, and the aftermath (or [i]afterglow[/i] as some people call it). Once again, it's your call because it's your story.

That's all good insight! I'm a dude who's never even read fan-fic before. Seems like it would be fun to write, but I have no experience, so the advice is good.