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10/16/2015 4:43:11 AM
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Hello Guardians, We here at Bungie have heard your calls for the glorification of our savior The Donald. And we have decided that Destiny 2 will be revamped and renamed, The Donald and The Darkness. Titans, Hunters, and Warlocks will be removed and replaced with one character - The Donald. He will have no subclasses (as the Donald is submissive to no one) and his abilities will be as follows: The Apprentice: All year one guardians work for you now. You control their every move and can deploy them to do all your work for you. Miss America: Resurrects Mara Sov and makes her fall madly in love with you. Also giving you total control over the Awoken armies to be sent forth to do your bidding. Racist Racism: Inspire all to hate one specific alien group that you deem unfit, have that group totally obliterated and removed from the game. The Hair: Your wig gains the ability to kill all adds around you for the next three hours. IT'S UUUUGGGEEEE: You can now fire a combined shadowshot, hammer of sol, golden gun, touch of malice that kills every boss in every video game ever made. Let's Make America Great Again: Turns the cosmodrome into "Old California" and removes the Fallen putting up condominiums and hotels everywhere And finally the best ability of all: I'm The President: Total and complete delusions of grandeur overtake your everyday life and you are eventually put in a straight jacket and locked in an insane asylum
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