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#writing

Edited by Sylok's Defiler: 8/21/2015 10:26:14 PM
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A Novel Idea (Writing RD and Critique Thread)

Welcome to the aptly-named Writer's lounge [i]A Novel Idea[/i]. Here, would-be authors, part-time writers, and anyone with a creative mind can share their Rough Drafts of writing and fan fiction. Complimentary links will be created if and when they need to be, but just post whatever you come up with, and let other people voice their opinions on your work. Criticism is always welcome, so long as it isn't straight up slander. Enjoy! IMPORTANT EDIT: for shits and giggles, if you ever feel like writing a story with multiple chapters or long blogs of fanfiction, incorporate this thread in your work as an Easter egg in some way, shape, or form. Example: "why don't we take Bakini Bottom and push it somewhere else?" "Hey, now there's a novel idea." OR "This guy I talked to, he's, uh... He's part of a PMC my organization works with. I forget his name and he's obsessed with old rock and blackjack, but he's one hell of an asset."

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  • Cold water was the only setting the sinks had. If you wanted hot water, all you had to do was pour a bucket and let it sit. The stale air in the steel plant would take care of the rest. Even then, only the Gods would know why one would want warm water. Emily splashed the frigid liquid in her face, rubbing gently to remove the stains. The day was almost over; the sun was primed to set, but her shift was scheduled to start shortly. She glanced out the window, eyes fixated on the stone monolith overseeing the plant. Today was like every other day for her, but the rut she felt stuck in was cozy enough to call home. She rolled up her sleeves and pushed the door open. She stomped along the iron grates that formed the perimeter of the inner building. Rattling carts thundered along the rails that carried them, mounds of raw ore teetering on top, threatening to avalanche over at the slightest turn. Bessemer furnaces whistle aloud before white hot metal spews from its spout. Silence was just a myth to the many laborers within. Emily took a left into the locker room. The heavy doors slammed behind her, locking the booming works of the plant out. Each of the double stacked lockers were a faded khaki color with the occasional blotch or rust. Her locker, D22, was no different, but it was left ajar. She sighed, opening it to find a note. "We need to talk. Work related." She crumpled up the paper with frustration, tossing it behind her carelessly. As she retrieved her belongings and dressed herself in working attire, the door creaked open. In stepped an older gentleman, his hands on hips and a glare of distaste in his eyes. "You got my message?" He prodded. Emily kicked the crumpled paper behind her. "What message?" "Don't play dumb, Em." "Then don't ask dumb questions." The man before her was her superior, a production manager. His pious attitude made her uneasy, and he almost always undermined her when he had the chance. Almost everyone despised him for his demeanor alone, but nobody spoke against it, save for Emily. "I'm here, so talk." "First of all, drop the attitude, you're on the clock. I came in here to tell you that the schedule is changing. New people looking for jobs." "So what? You want me to train them?" The man sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, squinting. "Essentially. I'm not fond of leaving them in someone else's care, but I think you're up for it. I'm gonna need you daily now." "What?" A small hiccup, a nervous laugh escaped her lips. "Waitwaitwait, when is this happening? Because you can't just pop this up on me." Emily was conflicted. She was exited for herself, but worried that the extra hours would be too taxing. Money was an issue, and the trends over time are less than promising. "The changes will take effect starting Monday, two days from now. You still have this Sunday off, but, eh..." He paused, walking past her to the horizontal line of glass panes. He stared out as he spoke again. "I realize this may be stressful for someone like you. So I'll give you one last reprieve before Monday: I want you to take the night off." A lovely surprise for the unsuspecting Emily. Her locker opened again as she took her belongings and returned the uniform she never put on. The way he worded his sentence slightly annoyed the young lady, but she wasn't about to argue with a free day off. "I'll be back in on Monday morning then?" She asked. "10 o' clock. Don't disappoint me." With her hand on the frame of the door to the furnaces, she nodded to him, then rushed out. Step by step, she sprinted past the blast furnaces and their operators. This was a break she needed, and she was all the more happier because of it. A graceful hop threw her over the railing of a flight of stairs that led from the iron catwalk she came from, dodging a crew of steelers carrying a large crate. In landing on a separate catwalk below, she stayed her stride, running down flight after flight of stairs to the base level. She barreled out to the front gates, huffing in the winter air. Free to take the day for herself, she smiled. It was rare that she could catch a break from the stressful rut she was stuck in, even if she called that rut home. Running past more workers clocking in for their shifts, she slowed, opening her arms in the windless evening. Streets were gently lines with laces of snow, freshly falling. Window sills were decorated in lush pine and colorful banners, each adorned with a candle internally. Hanging lights between rooftops added a soft, luminous glow that complemented the rustic street lamps. These brick buildings and cobble streets were unusually beautiful to her. Emily took off her heavy jacket, letting the feeling of icy bristles sting her arms with a wondrous cold. The day was hers. As she passed each block, her eyes were greeted by brick buildings and manmade constructs. A couple and their two children sitting by the circular fountain adjacent to Emily were conversing with an officer from the defense bureau. The children were attempting to slide across the frozen base, their parents oblivious to their actions. They were enjoying themselves in the midst of the brisk, wintry weather. Emily looked on with a degree of emotion, drawing out a long sigh through her nose. There was no concept of classes in the town: everyone was impoverished, but they managed. The denizens were all neighbors, all friendly. She too had friends, close but few ones. Her cheer sank slightly, but not enough to deter her from enjoying her evening. [spoiler]Looking for opinions and ways to improve. [/spoiler]

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