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Is it before or after the tears of pain?
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Or tears of joy ?
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Are you joyfully in pain?
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Maybe ?
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Are you not aware of your state of mind and feelings?
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Do I look like the kind of person who has a grip on these things ?
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Do I look like the kind of person who has a grip on who has a grip on what?
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Is your grip loose or tight?
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What do you want?