“Once upon a time there was a little Hobbit who lived in the forest and all the Hobbit ever wanted was to be beautiful. And even though she was short and fat and hairy, this little Hobbit dreamed that one day she can be pretty like Beyonce. And one day came along a magic power called Photoshop and just like that POOF- the little Hobbit was beautiful. And even though she couldn’t sing like Beyonce, or dance like Beyonce, or act like Beyonce, or be a decent human being like Beyonce, the little Hobbit was looked up to and loved just like Beyonce.” “…so the Hobbit prayed to God and God said don’t worry little Hobbit, I will go find this Jelly Monster girl and read her a story and melt her icy heart and the Hobbit said thank you and the Hobbit and God lived happily ever after because I love her so much.” — Kanye West