If stranger has ill intent: Male: Disable him with the 9mm I keep on my night stand handcuff em. Then call the police. Female: brandish my fire arm attempt to handcuff em, then call the police. (If handcuffing fails disable her with shot to the leg) If stranger has good intent: Male: (stranger) BRO! Don't freak out! This may seem unbelievable but I'm from the future and need you to come with me and do things! Me: okay let's go save me some future cheerleaders! Female: (stranger) don't freak out! But I'm here because of reasons... Me: what reasons? Stranger: specific ones! Me: am I going to get probed? Stranger: no. Observed. Me: well! pretty hard to "Observe" from over there come join me. (Latter) panda comes to the horrifying realization that he just slept with a space hooker. And was robed (panda lost $500)