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3/26/2015 8:51:54 PM
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--Archaeus-- To the Ground Below/ Chapter 4 (Part I)

--Archaeus-- To the Ground Below [i]Chapter 4 -[/i] The Betas (Part I) \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ My squad took cover behind a large piece of debris from the capital ship, while we witnessed the Alphas we rescued tap a few buttons on their wrist braces and cloak themselves. These things had such advanced technology! I wish I had some time to study it and possibly reverse engineer it to better benefit us humans. Maybe another time though. Now, we were about to fight a very costly battle. Within the split of a second after we hid, and the Alphas cloaked and ran to who knows where, the Destroyer began to fire on us. Its powerful shots of red plasma rained down on us like rain from a hurricane, kicking up tons of dirt and debris with every hit. Each shot sent heavy vibrations through the ground and our bodies. Luckily we hid behind a piece of debris that was strong, or else we would probably be died by now. We never even had a chance to fire on the ship, or the approaching troops because the Destroyer was firing so fast. Just as the our cover began to crack and break, Alpha fighters came in and shot up the Destroyer with everything they had, damaging the colossal ship badly. The Destroy then began to spin and raise into the air, adjusting its direction. After which, it activated its rear thrusters and chased after the Alpha fighters. Once the shipped left, we immediately rose over the cover only to see four Betas standing right there, glaring at us with their small, black eyes. Now I saw way the Alphas were running from them. These things were liking walking tanks. They were at least eight and a half feet tall, and probably weighed nearly nine hundred pounds. They wore only garments by the looks of it. Like they even needed armor anyways! Their skin was practically bullet-proof, it seemed! Their skin was a dark gray color, and they had two small eyes, completely black in color. Their mouth was large enough to bite the head clean off of a human without struggle. Nearly quadruple the size of an average human, it looked like with one punch, they could literally kill you! They stood completely still with their odd rifles in their hands, simply gnarling and huffing as they stared at us. One, who seemed to be the biggest of them, approached me and quickly snatched me from the ground with one hand. I didn't even have time to dodge him! He was squeezing my body so hard, I could feel my bones cracking inside of me. He studied me, then began to laugh like he is amused by my fragility. I slowly began to lose conciseness as is squeezing further prevented me from even breathing. Right before I passed out, the cloaked Alphas came up behind the Betas and jumped onto their backs, stabbing them in their bulky necks with some blue-glowing sword they conjured seemingly out of thin air. The Beta that was holding me recoiled backwards, trying to shake the Alphas off, while also dropping me to the ground. In the confusion, my team started firing on the Betas, making sure not to kill our new allies. I lay on the ground, trying to recover from nearly being strangled to death. "Jackson, call for reinforcements!" I shouted for the communications officers to radio in for some air support to help us take these beasts out. "Make sure to tell them to only aim for the huge aliens! The small ones are helping us!" "Yes sir! Right away, sir!" Once I got my rifle, I also began shooting the Betas. But shooting them was essentially useless because over half of the bullets we fired bounced off of their skin, and the other half barely even breached the out layers of skin. I decided to try something that I might regret. I pulled out my knife from my vestments and charged for the Beta that grabbed me. I sunk my knife deep into knee, but the Beta turned and smacked me away from him. Just a little push from this thing sent me flying into some more debris about fifteen feet away! Two more of my soldiers, Jackson and Aiden, then took out their knives and did the same thing. Jackson stabbed the Beta in the crotch then got kicked away into the side of the ship, while Aiden stabbed the Beta in the neck. Afterwards, the beast dropped to its knees, allowed the Alphas on its back to easier slit its throat with the bright blue blade. There were still three left though, so once standing back up, Jackson and I recovered our knives and went for the others. Before we even reached the next Beta, it managed to grab the Alpha on its back. It held it there for a few seconds before squishing the life out of the creature, causing its blood and guts to shoot out of its body, and ooze from its mouth. The Beta took a huge bite out of the Alphas lifeless head, then through the body aside, giving a loud and threatening roar afterwards. To make matters worse, the Destroyer came back, its weapons at the ready, and began to empty shells into us. It even killed one of its own, and also killed the Alpha who was on it's back. I jumped into cover with Jackson and Aiden, but two of my soldiers were still out there. Michael got his foot stuck in some debris, and "Jiffy" was trying to help him get out. The ship pivoted to the side and unload shells into the two men once spotting them. They were both blown to pieces, blood spraying everywhere. Not even a corpse was left behind from either one...

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  • "Otherwise we'd be died by now" be a little careful of spelling, but this is great

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    • Edited by Onyx076: 3/30/2015 4:48:15 PM
      Awesome! I just saw a few things that could be touched up. [quote]Red plasma blasts rained down on us like rain from a hurricane.[/quote] You used the adverb rained, to enhance rain. This could be rewritten, something along the lines of: [i]The red plasma poured down on us, as if it were raining Hellfire from a hurricane.[/i] I also saw, "shooting, shoot" used quite frequently. Since we know they are using guns, we know the action, so you could leave out, "he shoots, I shot," and replace it with: [i]The shells bursted out of my rifle in a fit of orange fire. The smoking brass collected like a shiny puddle at my feet as I burned through the entire magazine.[/i] A few spelling errors, which I'm sure were typos. [quote]...it was liking a walking tank.[/quote] I know you meant, "like" but still, just keep an eye out. I'm nowhere near perfect, and actually, Eranimus caught quite a f*ck up in chapter 6 of mine that I totally missed. I still can't believe it. Anyway, I really like this story and where it's headed! Keep it up!

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