Clouds of crystalline, spun sugar parted; allowing the rays of the sun to permeate through their synthesized cotton and illuminate the lush field below. Master Rahool stood on a precipice overlooking the vast candyscape, wearing nothing but a Japanese school leotard. With the elegance of a finely tuned weapon, the Cryptarch leapt into the air, performing a pirouette and landing with the gracefulness of a gazelle. He rose to his feet, and as he expected, a stallion with a singular cutaneous horn atop its skull had galloped over. Rahool knew what to do. Almost as if by instinct, he mounted his steed, and the two galloped forth, kicking up gumdrops and candy-infused soil. It was a while before a loud crack broke the steady clopping. Something hit the two, and the Cryptarch found himself on the ground, trapped under the wait of his horse. It whinnied weakly, attempting to move it’s legs to no available. A looming figure blotted out the grinning sun above, and the syrupy air fouled with the stench of …onions. Oh gods. He had heard the stories. He knew of the shrekoning that was about to occur. Shrek pulled out his Onion-horn, blasting the pony into globs of superheated molten sugar. Rahool pranced and summersaulted between the flaming debris. There was no way in hell he was going to give in, not while he had an ounce of the traveler’s light left in him. The Cryptarch pulled an exotic engram from his inventory and gave it to himself. He was rewarded a Suros-brand “Regime” Auto-rifle, and, smiling at this new turn of events, fired at the ogre. Rahool stopped, a look of disbelief crossing his face. The shots fired, despite being ridiculously broken in PVP, had not penetrated his assailant. “You should’ve checked yourself before you shrek’d yourself, laddeh” Shrek bellowed in an ogrepowering voice. The onion lord grabbed the exotic rifle by its barrel and crushed it into powder. The Cryptarch was cornered. He had only one option left. He decrypted his last engram, a legendary, praying to the RNG gods to favor him. The distinct sound of an exotic item being obtained filled him with relief. [url=http://desimg.zamimg.com/static/image/icons/gamedata/game-backgrounds/large/adfc8d2f9658f290526b4b8e8cda4f07.png?1423773891]With a flash, a singular icon appeared in the corner of his eye. [/url]The Cryptarch stared at it in horror. Stepping forward, Shrek laughed, splintered the useless exotic and snatched up the Cryptarch in one of his powerful ogre hands; holding him by the hair, raising him so that each other’s eyes met. “It’s all ogre now” Shrek grinned. With his free hand, Shrek dropped his loincloth, letting his massive eshrektion spring into the crisp morning air. The Cryptarch screamed as his body was bisected in a torrential geyser of onion sauce and blood. Shrek is love. Shrek is life.