I'm not going to water down my comments or hold anything back, just so you know. I'm going to give you, from my point of view, constructive criticism. I sent you a private message, for it would be easier, but just to get the ball rolling a bit, your first chapter feels a bit rushed and unfinished. Try focusing a bit more on the Mars mission that they just got back from. That's always a good way to catch the reader's eye. [i]Mars is a desolate wasteland of misery. As I sit on the cool, green, plush grass in the safety and security of the Tower courtyard, I am reminded just how lucky I am to be alive. My team and I barely survived, it was a struggle that found us outnumbered, outgunned, and overrun at every conceivable turn.[/i] Something like that would be a good hook to get the reader interested. Touch on the battle on Mars a bit, rather than just stating the enemies that were taken down, dip into a firefight. It doesn't even have to be long, just a little flashback from Jack's perspective. Something to wet the destructive tastes of the reader, not giving him much, but just enough to keep him coming back for more.