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originally posted in:The Black Garden
1/29/2014 3:35:49 AM
4

Chapter 1: Political Events

A disclaimer (I think that's the right word) before you start, I have posted the main characters, Mica Mikkelson, backstory before. If you find that through my page this may make more sense. Secondly my first language is not English, so there is bound to be errors I did not catch. Hope you enjoy Chapter 1 Political Events "And at what age did you graduate Mr. Mikkelson?" I got a hard jab from my commander that stole me from a day dream. "Almost 19 ma'm." I uttered quickly, giving the commander a glare. Surprisingly I'd been invited to a Dinner with some of the Nobles in the City after showing 'bravery in combat' during a mission on the moon. The commander had assured me it was just an excuse to get a interview with me, being I had a very filled schedule. The fifteen people present, including me, sat at a long oval table made of stone. The edge of the table had been carved to give it a sharp look, or at least that's what I figured. Each person sat at a chair made of the same, gray stone only with gold highlights along the corners, helping give the room a look described in ancient tales that I had read. "So Mr. Mikkelson, what kind of warfare have you seen at such a young age?" The same Noble woman asked after devouring a large portion of her food. "More than I'd care to explain ma'm." I replied vaguely. "Ah, modest are you?" She glanced at the others for approval. "You wouldn't even share one story, would you?" A short man spat out quickly. "I'm sorry sir, but I really don't like talking about these things," I looked to the commander. "They're things I hope to forget one day." The conversation turned to political affairs that I had no word in, giving me a sense of un-superiority among the men and woman. I was a higher class then I pretended to be, but I'd always resented the nobles so I couldn't find it in me to join them. The commander cleared his throat to get the attention of the others. "Mikkelson, would you at least care to tell them how you got to where you are now?" The commanders voice matched her beauty, smooth like her skin and flowed like her hair. I was barely under six feet tall while she was only a bit shorter than me. Her hair was a dark brown and she had beautiful green eyes, which was rare among the world we lived in. "Oh yes, yes! You must tell us, please sir?" The same woman as before said. Her name was Madam Shalese, her husband being the lead metal factory owner meant she had plenty of money and power. She wore a silky purple dress that revealed her chest to much, a common garb among noble woman. Her hair was a fake blonde and she wore to much make up and perfume, so much that it overwhelmed the smell of food. She reached out and grabbed my arm. "It is a great story, may even become famous one day! Especially since you started in the low caste," She put on a smile and adjusted her dress. "Isn't that right?" I let out a long sigh. "I guess it wouldn't hurt." A small chatter broke out before I began. "So it starts like this..." Sorry to leave on a 'cliff hanger' but I felt it appropriate. I hope the story is slightly enjoyable so far. I plan to make the next chapters much longer. But I would love to get feedback.

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  • Edited by SaviorsBlood: 1/30/2014 1:37:51 AM
    Ah, cliffhangers are a very useful tactic, though. Continue doing that and (in my opinion) you will hook your readers with questions they wish to be answered. Don't worry about the length. My first chapters were short as well. You'll work your way into your story well enough as you submit chapters. I like this. I like that Mica sets himself apart from the rest of the nobles, despite being in the position he's in now, being seated with people who were of a higher caste than him. Keep it up. You have me interested. And I'm liking the style you're going with. Having your character narrating the story by looking back on past events.

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  • Hey, look who's back! Good first start. Your English is better than some people I have talked to walking down the street. Can't wait to read the next entry.

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  • I'm glad to see that you wrote your story. This is very solid work here and I feel like this could take off, especially with a character like Mica. I'm interested in seeing how some of these suppressed memories affect him and I do wonder which ones he is willing to share with the others at the table. I guessing they will be quite the tale. Good job.

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    • Edited by Zevenwulf: 1/29/2014 5:14:47 PM
      This shows potential, the characters are interesting thus far, now if you could just hammer out the grammar and spelling kinks...

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