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originally posted in:The Black Garden
12/6/2013 1:39:35 AM
1

Can you read My short Story?

Good

1

Ok

7

Bad

1

Thanks for giving me a chance:) Page 1-Edward looks at his Scratched and Dented armor. He had just returned from clearing the walls of Fallen, he was a Lonewolf. He knew the feelings of loosing men, he knew it all to well. So he traveled and conducted his missions by himself, and he was good at it to. When we was younger he Commanded a whole Platoon, ten men filled in it, including him. Their mission was to clear out Section A of the Cabal on the moon, they had it sectioned off. So they could pick at the Cabal, little by little. Page 2- When they engaged the Cabal, all was going well. The Cabal were getting pushed back and there were no casualties, but then a missile hit the building two of his men were in. Only one of then dead, but a Cabal Ripped the other one in half. Edward sprinted toward the large beast and launched himself at the beasts chest, he grabbed ahold of his neck and stabbed him in the head, instantly killing him, but then a Cabal threw a grenade and it exploded beside Edward, sending him flying in a pile of rumble. He couldn't escape from the area because of all the debris on top of him. His helmet was damaged from the blast and he watched, as him men were slaughter before his very eyes. Then and there he promised never to have a Platoon again. Edward shook that thought away, he is a very distant and quiet Human Hunter. He Re-Loaded his Scratched Sniper and equipped a silencer on the end of the large bulky weapon, Putting it on his back. As it connected to the Magnetic clippings on his back, he grabbed his AR popping a fresh magazine into his weapon. He grabbed C-4 and a couple Grenades; replenishing his supplies before he went out again, and put them in his backpack. He walked to the launching pad and pressed the button on the side of his Starship; opening the hatch to get into it, he climbed the ladder and jumped In. Page 4- He pressed the ignition button and the twin engines roared to life. He looked across his dashboard and it illuminated with Red and Blue, his colors of choice. He launched off and flew far above the surface of Earth, looking back he saw the traveler; the thing that saved the human race from extinction, and The Last City. Page 5- His mission was to scout a area Know as "Old Russia" it is dominated by the Fallen. All Edward wanted to do was to have a easy day, then he was briefed with this. He heard that the last Fireteam that Scouted "Old Russia" never even came back. Their Starships never recovered, just lost to the world, to the Fallen. He asked his Ghost "How far from The first scouting location?" "1200 Miles sir" "Thanks Ghost" He engaged his Auto-Pilot and he went to his bunk in his Starship to get some rest. Edward awoke to Gunfire at his Starship, he quickly got his Gear on then clicked his cloak onto his backplate and locked his helmet in place, then got his weapons. Opening the door he said "Ghost Status Report" "Were talking heavy Damage, energy levels at 75 percent" "Avert 10 percent more energy to thrusters and get us out of here" "aye aye sir" they quickly averted, but directly after that the anti-air guns Clipped a round in the side of his starship. Edward said "Ghost bring us down smooth" "Unable to sir, redirecting course, new coordinates entered" the right side of the Starship smoked from the hole in the wing, they began loosing altitude. Afterwards their right wing hit the ground sending the Starship in a spiraling motion tearing it apart. Page 6- Edward woke up with his cloak on fire, he quickly stomped out the flame. His shields read "Unstable" and he was dazed from the crash. All he knew is that he had to find the Cockpit of the Starship and get his ghost out of the Ashes. Afterwards he quickly found his Ghost four yards to his left, barley intact. He hobbled away from the Crash-site into a fallen building. He hid in the building as he saw The Fallen swarming the Crash-site. He stayed in the building in a barricaded room until they left the area. By that time his Shielding system had Regenerated and his Ghost rebooted in his System. He Raided what was left of the Crash-Site, recovering his revolver, AR, and Sniper. Along with his backpack. He re-equipped all his Armor and weapons before he started walking, towards "Old Russia" He was still Determined to Finish his mission. This was just the first 6 pages, I hope you guys enjoyed it:) Leave comments if you liked it or what I need to improve on please:)

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