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originally posted in:The Black Garden
Edited by Table Trey: 7/6/2013 1:40:13 AM
3

O' Brave New World (unfinished)

First thanks a lot for accepting me into your guy's group, I very much appreciate it. So this is still a work in progress but I wanted to post it now to see if I could get some feedback and ideas, thanks a ton! EDIT:Try this one instead https://docs.google.com/document/d/1rcZhb5WYvkP3LXgNk5ioujEtUzhlybXZS558I6iEX0w/edit?overridemobile=true# EDIT (Ep.2 REvenge of the Link): alright I'm 87.6% sure this one will work https://docs.google.com/document/d/1rcZhb5WYvkP3LXgNk5ioujEtUzhlybXZS558I6iEX0w/edit?usp=sharing

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  • I'm sorry to inform you that that was an extremely well made piece of work. But it all seriousness that was a great story. There were a few grammatical errors but they didn't really take away from the experience. I think there were like, three. They weren't major, but I'm a bit of a grammar -insert name of evil WWII soldiers-. I can help you out with that with a group I have. But plot wise, very interested. I want to read more. It seems as though there is going to be a really deep plot. And one more thing, I have this really weird tradition where I quote my favorite sentence from the story. Its just if a sentence amuses me or catches my eye: [quote]Slowly it was inserted into Kohls open wound to shadow his former arm, it seemed to feel as if it snuggled perfectly against his lonely shoulder.[/quote] I just really liked the wordplay in this one. But I'll be looking forward to a finished version! Don't stop writing!

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    • Traveler be praised! It works!

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    • Not to alarm you or anything, but the link isn't working. Try re-sharing the link. I really want to read!

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