O' Brave New World (unfinished)

First thanks a lot for accepting me into your guy's group, I very much appreciate it. So this is still a work in progress but I wanted to post it now to see if I could get some feedback and ideas, thanks a ton! EDIT:Try this one instead https://docs.google.com/document/d/1rcZhb5WYvkP3LXgNk5ioujEtUzhlybXZS558I6iEX0w/edit?overridemobile=true# EDIT (Ep.2 REvenge of the Link): alright I'm 87.6% sure this one will work https://docs.google.com/document/d/1rcZhb5WYvkP3LXgNk5ioujEtUzhlybXZS558I6iEX0w/edit?usp=sharing