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originally posted in:TFS The Floods Sanctuary
Edited by Felicia402:
4/27/2013 7:41:13 PM
39
Can you give a child too much confidence?
So I seen this picture shared on Facebook today and while reading, it made me wonder; Is it an actual good thing to really boost your child's self esteem so high? Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to imply parents shouldn't make their children feel good about themselves or say "They're just jealous" when other kids bully them at school, but is pounding into your kid's head that they're the "greatest", "the best", and "the most amazing person to ever be put on earth" really such a good thing?
I believe I was born into a generation where families only would have one, two, maybe three kids. Less kids, more attention they receive and I believe, well know actually, a lot of the kids I grew up with in school truly thought there was nobody out there like them. No surprise that these kids tend to be an only child. I myself, grew up with a much older brother. 8 years to be exact, and I think I was nearly raised the same as an only child. I was spoiled rotten as a kid; got nearly every toy I wanted, went where I wanted to go, etc. However I was never really showered with compliments. If I done good on a test, yes, my parents would be proud but never said I was the smartest. If I placed first or second in a singing competition, I was never told I was the "best singer out there" but praised on my good work. If I done the best in art, I was never told I was the best artist but was encouraged to keep at it and unlike a lot of young girls that was my age, I was never constantly told I was "beautiful". I actually remember when I was 15 years old and I truly started caring and acknowledging my appearance. I went through a stage where my confidence wasn't at it's highest and I asked my mother, "Mom, why don't you ever say I'm beautiful or pretty?" and this is what she told me, "Because I didn't think you needed to be told. I want you to be confident in who you are as a person, not for something like your appearance or other less valuable things. I wanted you to not need words to make you feel good about yourself." She just wanted to keep me grounded and in a way, I'm very grateful she done so.
Now, thinking about the way I want to raise my child when I do have one, I've been considering a lot how is the best way to go about this; giving them confidence but not too much nor having them relying on compliments to make themselves feel good. I think my mother went about it pretty well. She kept me grounded, but of course I eventually started caring about shallow things due to peers and the media, but I like to think because of her, I didn't dedicate too much of my life towards those things.
So, what do you guys think about giving your kid "too much" confidence, or is there even such a thing?
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Yes, telling a child they are special, and not clarifying they are special to you can lead to misconceptions and undue feelings of entitlement about reality.
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I was spoiled as a kid too. But I was also hit and my parents didn't hesitate to call me fat if I gained weight. If I got an A in a class my parents would say "that's right" if I got a B they would say "why didn't you get an A?" And if I got a C they would yell at me and ground me. I didn't start getting acknowledged for my appearance until I was 17 and I started seriously lifting and for my intelligence once I got scholarships for colleges on engineering programs. Once I did start getting compliments like "good job on that test!" I would just say things like "not really a big deal" but when I got complimented on my looks it really gave me a lot of confidence and I actually looked forward to going to school.
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I wouldn't say you can give a kid too much confidence, but too much self esteem? I dunno. I mean, just because someone thinks highly of themselves doesn't mean they think of everyone else as dirt.
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2 RepliesYes, you can give your children too much confidence. But they will one day find out that the sun doesn't shine out of their ass. Either teach then the easy way, or let them learn the hard way.
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5 RepliesAll I know is, I didn't get enough as a kid, which is why I'm 23, single, part-timing at a supermarket with no gf and a useless degree in English language. Yay. Still, I'm more confident these days than I ever use to be. :)
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1 ReplyAre we talking about confidence, or self-esteem? They aren't quite the same. Confidence is more about believing you can reach goals and get stuff done. Self-esteem is about having a high opinion of yourself. You can be very confident, but have low self-esteem. Think of Wolverine. He can be very self-hating, but he also considers himself the best there is at what he does (but what he does isn't very nice). Confident in his abilities, but low self-esteem. On the flip side of that, there are those who are not confident at all, but have very high self-esteem. We all know that type. They love themselves, but they're kind of control freaks. They try way too hard to be in charge to compensate. It's obviously possible to have too little of both, but I think it's possible to have too much of either of them. People who have too much self-esteem can end up kinda cocky and antisocial, and can become difficult to get along with. Sometimes that can become a sense of superiority that makes it impossible to work as part of a team. People with too much confidence might take a lot of unnecessary risks, putting themselves in lots of kinds of real danger. That can make a person the type that people say has a death wish. I think balance is important, too, as with many other things. Self-esteem says, "I'm good where I am," and confidence says, "but I can move forward." It's good to have some self-esteem to get a sense of your own potential, but it also takes confidence to turn it kinetic!
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Edited by Euler: 5/1/2013 2:12:41 PMDoes it really matter if another American drone feels good about themselves when going through the daily grind?
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I think a parent can give too much "false" confidence. However, I think that a person (through accomplishments) can never have too much confidence.
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1 ReplyAbsolutely. If you give a child too much confidence then they run the risk of developing into an arrogant, narcissistic asshole.
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1 ReplyConfidence can only be earned through real accomplishments. If it it given to make someone feel good then it will only end in ruin in the end.
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I think confidence isn't what parents mean to give their kids. They want to provide support so the kids can do what they want and be themselves. Confidence is more what one thinks of oneself which comes from experience and accomplishments, which can stem from progressing with the help of support. I'm trying to think :)
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My parents always told me "they knew [I] could do it" after I accomplished something. Clearly they wanted me to believe they were omnipotent.
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*sucks lolipop* *stops* I don't know, I'm only 9. *continues sucking*
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My mom sent me that shit today in a text message. She doesn't understand that compliments parents give their kids mean nothing. At least at my age.
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I suppose there is such a thing.
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Edited by An Eagle Flying A Blimp: 5/1/2013 4:04:21 AMI think kids need some sort of praise to get a start in life. Not pampering worship, but most people aren't wired to just go out there and be awesome. They need to be told they're awesome first. I don't think telling a kid that they are the best is a good idea, though, as they will then see themselves at the pinnacle and stop improving as a person(and possibly get worse). Saying 'good job' encourages more behavior similar to the behavior that initially earned the praise, and will cause the recipient to want to improve. Thats my two cents on the issue at hand... or whatever my half asleep mind was willing to cough up on it.
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I think that it helps to give a child higher hopes for life in their early years to a certain extent, but to be completely honest with them as they age.
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2 RepliesIt's only okay to feed a kid fake confidence if you're willing to play the bad guy and "take them down a peg" if it's necessary. You want them to grow up feeling pride in their accomplishments and not a sense of entitlement. Nothing worse then a person who thinks they deserve something just because they want it.
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2 RepliesConfidence is best earned, not given. I can't speak for other people, but my parents weren't ones to give much praise. They applauded me for getting good grades.. but they never told me I was beautiful.
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Give a child too much confidence and you'll drown the world in their ego.
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2 RepliesI watched a guy in walmart tell his daughter she was full of shit when she told him about her imaginary friend. Not sure if that's really what you're talking about or anything though.
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2 RepliesNo. Especially with females I see this prevalent. Fat little girls are spoiled rotten and told they are all special princesses and they grow up entitled and unpleasant. We have to keep them grounded and told unless you become attractive the best you can be is a practice girl for an inexperienced guy.
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No, but you might guide them improperly.
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Yes. Case in point: Jeff Winger.
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We don't need anymore spoiled brats.
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Edited by hispanicman15: 4/27/2013 10:25:12 PMA person with too much confidence is called arrogant. Arrogance is one of the worst derivatives of pride.
